I had a dream

I saw the face of Jesus.

It was dark outside, and cold. Snow swept across the fogging windshield and piled around the already buried tires. No doubt, like last year, I had never gotten around to putting on winter tires. To add to my frustration the engine was sputtering out as well.

There was a glow from a house close by, and a stream of thick smoking lifting into the night sky. My sister and I hesitated, but finally we decided to trudge through the knee high snow and knock on the door. A woman appeared in the doorway. I don't recall for sure, but I believe she wore an apron and had something cooking on the stove. To say the least it was a warm, cozy place, and with open arms they welcomed us in.

They were a sweet couple. They offered us a cup of hot something, and a place to sleep. The next morning we awoke, and from there it blurred for a bit. We must have stayed for a couple days because we got to know them fairly well. It was through one of our conversations around the fireplace when they brought up the rumors of the traveling train.

There had been several accounts of a man, many whom claimed was Jesus, passing through from town to town along the railroad. The accounts all said children accompanied Him, and that wherever He visited many had believed on the Lord, giving their life to Jesus. It was then they told us that He would be passing through that town in just a few short days. Obviously there was no exact schedule, but the rumors claimed His next destination was there.

A few mornings later news spread that He would be arriving in a few short hours. Alina and I were skeptical, yet curious. Bundled up in borrowed boots, jackets, hats and scarves, we made our way to the train station. There was a small crowd gathering, whispering to one another in anticipation. We all had the same question in mind. Who was this man whom touched the hearts and inspired so many people? Who was this man whom they called Jesus?

It first came as a small light, flickering off in the distance. As it grew closer, the light brightened and lit up the sky. The engine rumbled, smoke bellowed high, and the rhythmic grind of the gears. What surprised us all was the sound of laughter. Child laughter, starting out faint and barely audible and growing louder.

Before we knew it, the train was hauling in right beside us. Odd as it may sound, the cars had no roofs, and thus were exposed to the weather. Yet no one appeared cold. There were children everywhere, and suddenly just being in there midst made one bubble up in laughter and joy.

We ran along with the train until it came to a complete stop. When it did, I climbed up the side of one car and found myself looking right into the face of the man whom everyone called Jesus. In an instant I knew that all the rumors were true. I was looking right into the eyes of the Son of God. I saw His love. I saw Him looking at me, and I crumbled from the intensity of His love for me, and I cried. My whole body shook. In that moment I was overwhelmed in His presence.

He was surrounded by little children of all ages. He wore no fancy robes. He wore no crown of jewels. He was dressed quite simple. He was clean shaven save something of a three day stubble. His hair was brown, curly locks. His eyes I cannot put into words. Imagine a light hue, almost the color of blue and like glass. When He looked at you He looked into your soul. All knowing, yet entirely and altogether loving. I cannot explain this love that I felt, but when He set His gaze on me I felt so comforted, so rejuvenated, so full of hope, and so loved. I didn't want to let Him go. I understood in that moment what true unconditional love was. And his smile. He smiled at me. After seeing beyond the walls I had built up over the years, after seeing and acknowledging every hidden secret within my heart, after beholding my dirty and blemished soul, He smiled at me.

What is in a smile? I tell you, I cannot know save the smile of Jesus Christ. He did not condemn me. He loved me. He greeted me like I meant everything to Him. That was how He greeted everyone. It reminded me of that verse,

"For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved." John 3:17 KJV

He didn't say much, but this one thing I remember well. I don't recall the exact words, but one thing He kept repeating over and over was, “Trace my image and share it with the world.”

I told Him I did not understand. I told Him I had a sore hand for art, and that I could never do His glory justice. He only replied with the same request. I understand now that He did not mean literally draw His face, but rather share to the world the image of who He was and what He had done. I finally told Him I would. (This is me trying.)

The train had to pull out not long after that, and I begged Him to stay. I clung to Him, and nigh willed Him to remain, but He said He must continue. I begged to follow Him. I did not want to ever leave His side again. He was suddenly all I cared to live for. But in a still, small voice He told me to stay and pursue the calling He had given me. It reminded me of the man whom Jesus delivered from the demons when He crossed the sea of Galilee. The man begged to follow Jesus, but Christ commanded him to stay and go and share with the town what the Lord had done.

"And when he was come into the ship, he that had been possessed with the devil prayed him that he might be with him. 

"Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee.

^"And he departed, and began to publish in Decapolis how great things Jesus had done for him: and all men did marvel."

Mark 5:18-20

I was not on that train when it pulled out. I remained behind. This truly applies to me in real life because for a long time I have been restless to go and do God's work in other countries right now. There have been nights where I could not sleep and would do anything to leave everything behind and just go. I have had really no patience to wait on the Lord's timing. But in that dream, when He told me to stay behind, I know that He was referring to me remaining here in the Flathead Valley and continuing school, being a witness here for Him.

When the engine began to rumble and smoke bellow out, I asked Jesus in my dream to let me look at His face once more. To gaze into His beautiful countenance, and behold His pure, innocent yet powerful glory. Pure love. Unconditional. Pure joy. I have never felt anything like it before.

I had cried when I looked into his face. Tears not of sadness, but an overwhelming of peace. I cried when I later rejoined the crowds and tried to tell them what I saw. I cried when I awoke this morning and discovered this all a dream. I cried when I realized that God did indeed care enough to visit me in a dream, JUST to tell me that He loved me, that He knew all I had and was currently going through, and to tell me He heard every prayer. He had been just as excited and anxious to meet me as I was to see Him. To show Himself unto me after all these years. He had seen my blind faith, and He at last manifested a small portion of Himself. I will forever remember that night.

Too often we think that because God does not come storming through and presenting His full majesty for us to behold, performing astounding miracles in our lives, that He must not see us or care for us. We think that God must not love us because He does not manifest himself to us. We think He doesn't care because He allows tragedies to befall us. We tend to think that we are too blemished for Him to care to love us or forgive us. We are so quick to condemn ourselves. But let me tell you this. To everyone who desires a relationship and reconciliation with Jesus Christ, He does not condemn you, but loves and cherishes you. He rejoices over you, and He is smiling on you right now though you cannot see Him. He hears you. I can vouch for that.

I looked on the internet about images of Jesus. Numerous life accounts poured through Google search, and everyone exclaimed over and over about His eyes and love. They claimed he had light eyes, some thought green and others blue. I personally believe they are a color no man can recognize, yet our mind struggles to tag a color our simple minds know.

I am positive with no doubt that I saw Jesus. I know it, and this I will cherish. I can hardly wait to see Him again in Heaven, and I desperately hope I have the most blessed opportunity to see Him again before then.

 "That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, 

"May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; 

"And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God."

Ephesians 3:17-19 KJV

Eurasia

I found an old bookmark in a book buried in a stuffed box in my closet last night. Actually, this "bookmark" was a folded up map that I had entirely forgotten about - a map of Eurasia.

http://eurasiacommunity.org/areas/what-is-eurasia/

Some months ago, a missionary had visited our church and shared with us the ministries going on there. He had provided us all with maps, requesting we pray for those people who had not heard the Gospel yet.

Eurasia consist of averagely 2.3 billion people, with 1.88 billion of them unreached by the Gospel. Christianity is not tolerable in many of these countries, but the Lord has been doing a great work.

I am reminded once again of the calling that the Lord has placed on all of our hearts: to preach the Gospel to the corners of the world. There is no place where it should not be heard. I know one day I will be over there in other countries, but for now I am here burying my nose in books at the college.

How I wish I could join our brothers and sisters across seas! How I wish I didn't have to wait and go to school! I know that God's timing is perfect, and in His will I vow to walk. Yet still I cannot say it is easy. He is teaching me patience.

I hung the map in my room last night, right where I could see it. I have been reading about Eurasia for quite sometime today, and every hour the restlessness within me increases. I am not restless only, but inspired. I am inspired to dare to step into the world unknown, beyond my borders, beyond the safety of home. I am challenged to reach into the darkest places of the world, but until then, I anxiously wait for the Lord to say to me "go".

Restlessness

I have been growing restless again for minsitry. It's been nigh four years, and I feel I might break. Call me crazy, but I can't stop thinking about Mexico. I remember the life there. We didn't know many times what the next day would hold. We went where the Lord lead. We met people of all walks of life. Some were devout Christians, with the same stirring for ministry as us, others were back slidden, needing motivation and a revival in their hearts. Some had never even heard of the name of Jesus. We slept where they slept, wept when they wept, and rejoiced when they rejoiced. We grew together in Christ. We gained much, and we lost much.

Since Mexico, I have struggled to live a routine life. I am not used to planning months into my future. I am restless. I am reminded of those still suffering, those still hungry. I know I am preparing myself for eventually going across seas, and serving in the medical field, but I grow anxious to help and do something now. I'm afraid to step out on my own, but I am more afraid of doing nothing. I must do something.

The world can't wait for us to be good and ready. Everyday, everyone is one more day closer to death. Everyday, is one day closer to Christ's coming. And though we look forward to that day with exceeding joy, there are still those who have not heard of the Gospel. How can we sit idly by knowing the lost walk among us?

Yes, one can reach out in ministry to the local communities. Yes. There are ministry opportunities left and right, right here in Montana. But what about those beyond our borders? What about those forgotten? They are dismissed too often with the excuse that another will reach out to them. There are the few that do. Why can't I be that person? God has given me this restlessness for a reason.
I vow to go where the Lord leadeth, but I pray He leadeth me to venture beyond my borders.

A total of 700

Amazing Youth Conference in Great Falls this weekend. God moved mountains. A total of 700 people. Looking forward to next year already! =)

Because of Tradition

Prostitution Enforced by Tradition

I found this link while searching the internet today. It is on a small village in India, known as Naptura, where prostitution is forced upon young girls. This is such a huge battle all over the world, and this is but a glimpse of it. We need to stand up and be their allies. We need to be a voice when they have lost theirs. For they suffer in the silence of their homes, with none to care or feel their pain. "...The most shocking [and saddest] fact is that almost every woman here believes that she is just carrying on a ‘village tradition’. This thought [is] instilled in them by their family members and other male relatives in their childhood.."
 
 Let us not ignore this grotesque crime. Let us not be content to happily live our lives in free America while they struggle in pain and suffering. Let us rather carry their burdens and commit to do something so simple, yet so powerful. Let us commit to pray. Let us commit to make a change.

When they have no voice...

So God has been working so much in my life. For one, I feel like my heart is lead continually to hurting children. Sure I've always thought kids were cute and precious (some intimidating and annoying) but I never truly felt like I would pursue a ministry focused on children. I never thought I could fall so easily in love with children.

But I have. And now I cry when I but see their suffering faces on the internet. I see their pain and anguish and I mourn because I know that they are fighting a losing battle. They face desolation, captivity, hatred, emptiness and loneliness on every side. They weep and call out but no one hears them. They cry for someone to hear them but the world doesn't even see them.

I want to go to those children. I want to be their voice when theirs has gone. When they can't stand because they have been pushed down too many times, I want to lift them up on my shoulders and be their feet. I want to wash their wounds and comb their messy hair. I want to embrace them and kiss them, even yet while their bodies are infected with disease, because no one else dares even touch them. I want to pray for them and watch them be healed. I want to tell them about Jesus and pour His love onto them. I want to wrap them in warm blankets and tell them they have a Father in Heaven who cares for them and is watching over them. I want to suffer when they suffer. I want to bear their burdens. I want to cry their tears and I want to laugh when they at last laugh. I want to find them and let them know their cry has been heard. I want to tell them that someone still cares. More over, I want to tell them Jesus cares.

Unexplained Change

First off I just want to apologize for not writing sooner. God has been working in my life in ways I never would have imagined. To list them all here would be to write a book.

As you may have noticed I have been waiting two weeks to update Voice for the Voiceless rather than only one. At first I must admit it was out of procrastination but now I feel the Lord leading me to continue to pray even longer, for the children and their families who die from hunger, for instance, every year. All I can think about is their skin and bones and weeping faces and frightened eyes and loss of hope that seem to scream from the pictures I find online.

I can't help but want to hold them in my arms and whisper to them about Jesus and His love. To tell them that He is watching them and wiping away their tears and weeping when they weep and indeed rejoicing when they are happy. I want so desperately to hear the sound of their carefree giggles and hearty laughs. To see the smile in their eyes. I want to love them like Jesus. In short, I am dedicating yet another week to "Endless Hunger".

In addition to that, I at last started my first day of college. Public Speaking was the class and I have a feeling that I will enjoy it immensely. I still can't believe that I am finally beginning this journey to pursue my dream. I only wish it didn't have to take so long. Four years seems like centuries when you know that people are dying everyday. It's so hard for me to be happy without feeling guilty inside. Here I laugh while they cry. Perhaps such is the reason I find myself awkwardly crying in randoms moments of the day.

Call me emotional but all my life it was so easy for me to weep selfish tears. It came so easily when someone hurt my feelings. Yet now, today, I couldn't shed a tear. I was at a lost until suddenly the Lord reminded me of the hurting children from across seas. Thinking of their pain caused me to cry endlessly. I didn't even know why but it ached so deep inside, and I could literally feel their burdens and sorrow. It took everything inside me to keep from jumping a plane at that moment and shipping myself off to some unnamed country. Indeed, I find it slightly frightening the way the Lord is working in my life and heart.

Yet perhaps it is OK if it gives me the drive and motivation to run after this calling, if it keeps me focused on the Lord's will for my life, then I don't mind it. I am thankful. I am thankful for how much the Lord has been changing me. Now I hear Him tell me that He wants to bless me.

He says that I am "ready". That the "time is here". Yet time for what? I don't understand but I feel Him smile. I am so glad that Jesus is so alive in my life. I only wish I could live my calling today. Right now. I know the day will come and these such weekly prayers are the only thing that holds me together while I wait for me to be ready. May I live to be everything that God has planned for me and nothing more. 

And bless those children who do hunger. Their pain is in my heart always.

Blessed Misfortune??

I haven't shared much about my life but one could say I've had quite the ride recently. As some may know, I am enrolled to start classes at a local community college and am currently in a desperate search to find an economical and reliable car and yes... ashamed to say... acquire my license. But hey, who wouldn't procrastinate when you live two blocks from downtown and your work? Honestly, before school I never needed to commute anywhere. Yet alas I do now and I find time slipping from my fingers.

I've honestly begun to think it isn't the Lord's will for me to attend school. Perhaps I should consider online courses. At least for this semester. The thing I fear the most is living outside the Lord's will. I just want to do everything as soon as possible; start school, graduate, and ship myself across seas to do what I've always wanted to do... the only reason why I've even considered college.

MSF Doctors Without Borders seems so far away some days. Like it'll be another lifetime before I can live that dream. Perhaps I should forget the degree and instead save up and buy that airplane ticket now. I mean there's plenty of ministry organizations I could join, right? I start small. Maybe an orphanage. Join the little medical unit there and learn while on the job.

I could find people who are going to other devastating life-threatening places and hitch a ride with them. Within a year I could be doing what I've always wanted to do. I could be feeding the poor, cradling the crying babies. I could be laying hands on the sick and showing people the hope that lies with Jesus. I could be loving them like Jesus. Who honestly said I have to wait 4 years?

I'm so antsy I swear that if God wants me to stay here and do this college thing, then He might just have to hog tie me to this air mattress of a bed and pile a bunch of textbooks on top to hold me down.

I cried so hard today (laugh if you want but its true) when I started to wonder if I ever would be given the chance to go across seas. Today felt so hopeless as I realized that every single attempt I made to get my license and buy a car fell through to failure. From my sister's car breaking down in the middle of the test, to expenses piling up from nowhere, to being unable to arrange appointments and transportation to go see cars for sale, nothing has worked out.

Don't get me wrong I know that God has everything under control. I'm just afraid that I have completely misunderstood how God wants me to go about this. I'm terrified of living outside of God's will but sometimes I don't have the foggiest idea what that even is. In truth, are these misfortunes God's way of telling me I'm going the wrong way... or is the Devil in a desperate attempt to thwart me from what God wants me to do?

If it's the Devil then I will not be moved and I will be steadfast in pursuing this... but if this is all from God then all I want to do is give everything up and let Him take over.

Perhaps that is exactly what I need to do. If it's the Lord's will for me to get this license and a car and attend school then God will provide a way. I have proven that I am willing and I have tried everything to meet Him half way. Perhaps this was all a test and now all I have to do is fall in the arms of Jesus and watch Him work in my life. If I am not in God's will I vow to give up right now and let Him take the wheel. If it is... then He will work out everything.

I don't know if you guys even got this far in this post. It's so long and I'm sure by now your just sitting there with your eyes half closed skimming the words and grateful the end is in sight. Lol. I would be too. Just know that it doesn't matter how messed up your life seems. It doesn't matter how many times you've hit rock bottom. What matters is if you've let the Lord take over yet. What matters is if whether or not your still struggling at the wheel or if you've taken your foot off the pedal. What matters is if you've realized yet that the only way your getting through this is with God leading the way. Lets just say that is what I am learning everyday.

Wounds of the Children - A Voice for the Voiceless

So I'm not entirely sure why my heart has been so set on children recently, but i just cant get them out of my head. This particular issue I'll share with you has been on my mind for nigh a week and my greatest regret is not posting it sooner. Thus, this week i vow to dedicate my time to praying for the children of China.

All across this over populated country children have been violently attacked throughout the schools and many even killed. Complete strangers will just walk in during school hours and throw around, kick and even stab these innocent kids for no reason. Many times the predators will kill themselves afterwards while no explanation is given as to why this sudden outburst of violence. If they are caught alive, their punishments remain mostly moderate if brought to justice at all.

I can't even begin to understand why God would allow this but I know that there is a reason for everything. Satan is the prince of this world and everyday we witness horrible things happen. Perhaps such things happen so that we might as God's people stand up and do something about it. Perhaps it is a motivation to leave our comfort zone and comfort the inflicted. We are not on this earth for our own pleasure nor to enjoy a comfortable and carefree life. Our mission is to be ambassadors for Christ. It is our duty to love this world and be that Good Samaritan and help the brokenhearted and wounded. It is our calling to give of ourselves so that we might help save the life of another and bring them to know Christ.

What stops us therefore then, from lifting up a prayer to our heavenly for these poor children? Many know not God or how to pray. Many can't see the light of hope but we do through Jesus. Therefore let us meet with the Lord this day for them and request His saving grace. These children do not have a voice to cry out but we do! Let us be a voice for the voiceless!

For more information on whats happening in China see below -

Six Children Killed 
Nursery School Attack 
Teachers Too? 

(I do realize that there are some good schools still for children in China. But at the moment too many are unsafe and insecure for us to just ignore.)

I want to do it ALL

When I first decided to go into overseas medical all I wanted to do was aid in the most critical and emergency demanding situations. But today while looking for a picture to add on the Voice of the Voiceless, I couldn't help but ache for every man, woman and child that showed up on the screen.
Faces of those who couldn't escape suffering. Their pain and sorrow echoing in their eyes as their weakening bodies bore the burdens of illness and hunger and abuse. How could we have it so easy and they from birth be dealt such a terrible hand? So many didn't even have a chance to save their lives.
What I wouldn't give to wrap them in a warm blanket or feed them a bowl of hot soup or give them to drink a cup of cold, clean water. What I wouldn't give to put a smile on a child's face.
Suddenly I realize, I want to do it all. It doesn't matter anymore if their life is on the line at that very moment. They've been waiting their whole lives to be loved. Who says they have to wait until they are dying?
I want to be like Jesus. I want to show them His love. I want to shower them with it and watch as His joy anoints them and His hope rains down on them. The promise of a new day. A better day. I want to be there when they smile and find out that Jesus loves them. I want to be the one to tell them. I want to hold them and tell them that I love them.

When He prayed for us...

"I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. 

"They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.

 "Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. 

"As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world. 

"And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.

"Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;"

John 17:15-20 KJV

Many people know this chapter as the passage where Jesus prayed unto His Father concerning the Church. Laced within every phrase is Christ's love for us manifested. He was on His way to Calvary and despite the little time before Him, He took the time to pray for us.

Imagine the prayers He speaks to the Father now? Even as He sits on the right hand of God, in full glory and majesty, still He hears us and sees our struggles. He prays not for us to be relieved from the pain and sorrow of this world, but for us to be delivered from the evil of it (vrs 15). We are His children and the sheep of His pasture. He has sent us into this world but not that we should be swallowed by it. For we are not of this world - we are of His Kingdom - only ambassadors of the Gospel of peace.

We are to be sanctified through the Truth. And what is that Truth? The Word of God. Let us therefore be sanctified through His Word. Abiding in His Word. Taking it to heart and letting it change our lives. Strengthening us and equipping us for the task at hand; to share the Gospel to all we meet. To seek out the chosen and show them the way to Christ, to life eternal.

Christ did not pray for our deliverance from heartache, but rather as He was on His way to Calvary, He prayed for us to be strengthened. He prayed for us to be courageous, to carry on the mission that Jesus Himself had begun... in bringing the Gospel to all. Even unto the ends of the earth.

A new dedication...

Ok so I have an idea for this blog. As you know I have decided to join MSF (Doctors Without Borders) when I finish my degree for nursing. Only that is four years away and too long for me to wait. Thus, I dedicate to pray for a country each week. To research on something that they are struggling with and to make time to go to God in prayer for them. I may not be able to be with them in the flesh but I will do the next best thing.

This week my prayers will be for Uganda. Northern Uganda to be exact. Over 3,000 children are currently suffering from an illness called Nodding Disease. The medical teams still are unsure of exactly what is causing these breakouts as the children will experience physical stunting, seizures and brain damage from it. They believe it has something to do with a deficiency in vitamin B6 and the parasitic worm Onchocerca Volvulus, which causes river blindness and is carried by the Black Fly.

I will be posting weekly these countries and would be over joyed if you could join me in praying for these people.

We are so blessed to be safe and warm, with a roof over our head and food in our bellies. Our life may not be perfect and we may even lose a job or house, but compared to these people we are abundantly blessed. 

Let us therefore, join hearts and hands to be a voice to the voiceless. Let us take a stand and seek our Lord and Savior on their behalf. Let us love this world as Jesus did.


For more information on the Nodding Disease in North Uganda see below -

http://www.ebony.com/black-listed/wellness-empowerment/ugandan-children-suffering-disabling-disease#axzz2ZiSziubS

http://www.cnn.com/2012/03/19/world/africa/uganda-nodding-disease/index.html

In the blank spaces

We all experience times in our life when it seems that our days are wasting away with no purpose or fulfillment. Many times it is our doing because we are afraid to take a leap of faith and follow the calling God has set before us. Yet many times, it is God who calls us to these seasons of... waiting.

I recently experienced one of these some time back. At first it was terrible. I was so anxious. I wanted to do something with my life. I wanted to go somewhere and now. I didn't want to wait even another day. I was restless and worried. Most of all I had my eyes focused on the past with no hope or care for the future. I was honestly convinced - I know it's weird - that the Lord would return in the year 2012. I thought there was no point of planning a life past that because it would never exist. As you can imagine my surprise when January 1st 2013 rolled into view.

I realized that I had wasted so much time just sitting around and refusing that there could be a year past 2012. I realized that it had kept me from coming to know the calling God had for my life. It kept me from pursuing this calling. It kept me looking back and wishing I could turn back the clock of time, sure that time was soon to be up. Boy was I wrong.

So what happened after I realized I could have a future? I saw myself helping the poorest of the poor and most needy in unnamed villages of far away places... yet I didn't know how to get there. I didn't know where I had to start.

I prayed for months seeking guidance. I searched the web for organizations and programs that would get me out into the mission field. I dreamed dreams and sought the advice of other missionaries. While many roads presented themselves, none seemed right. I thought I was just being indecisive and unmotivated. I thought I would lose interest and eventually give up searching. I prayed but it seemed no one answered. Until I finally typed in the url to a link I had received - and later forgotten - months before.

DoctorsWithoutBorders (MSF). While not Christian, they do bring hope to the most needy. They are the voice of the voiceless. I realized that I could do that and, with shining the light of Christ, be a witness to so many.

But I needed training. They were not amateurs in their field and neither could I be. I needed four years of training to be exact and another two of experience. Thus I start my journey of becoming a nurse, beginning with my generals at the local community college.

I am excited to begin in the fall and with this new dream ahead of me I can now look ahead instead of behind. I still cherish the past dearly but I do not live in it. I do not desire to bring it back but rather to take on tomorrow.

My point brings me to, first off: DO NOT ASSUME THE DAYS OF YOUR FUTURE BUT RATHER EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED. Don't be narrow-minded of what you think tomorrow holds, keeping you from truly understanding what could and what God wills to happen.

Secondly: WHEN YOU SEEK HIM AND HIS ANSWER IS "WAIT"... THEN WAIT. Do not take your life into your own hands. His timing is perfect and those seasons in your life when it seems like all your doing is waiting for an answer, don't lose hope. These are the blank spaces of your life. But in truth they are more important than we can know. They are to prepare, to equip, to strengthen and to draw us closer to Him. To wait on the Lord is to seek Him and yearn for Him. It means to abide in Him and lean only on His understanding. It means to trust.

Don't take these times for granted. Don't waste them. Use them as an opportunity. Fill these blank spaces with a passion to seek God and shine His light to all you meet.

Take heart therefore. Be not anxious or impatient but anticipate the wonderful plans God has for your future. He does have plans for you. Plans He wrote out before you were born. Plans that He is overjoyed to begin in your life. So rejoice! Take joy that you have a promising future with Him.

IYC...

It has been way too long since the last post I published here on ThotSimplicity. I deeply apologize as my computer has been under repair for sometime. Long story short, the screen cracked but it was replaced. =) I am glad to be back.

In the last post I mentioned something of an Indian Youth Camp where my sister and I were going to volunteer as room staff and counselors for the kids. Indeed, it was well worth the time off work. We went to bless the kids but I believe we got blessed in return. I could just feel the Lord moving in that camp.

One of my girls got saved! And was able to let go of the sorrow she had carried with her for so long. Another was finally able to see that the power of God is much stronger then the Devil's and that she could be safe in the arms of Jesus. A boy from another dorm was miraculously healed while at worship one evening. He had broken his leg and was unable to walk, yet moments after he was prayed over, he stood up and told his testimony to the crowd. Left and right kids professed the name of Jesus and so many saw the hope of tomorrow and were stirred to live whole heatedly for Christ.

It was our third year and Lord willing, I will do anything to return again. I love those kids and over the years I've begun to develop relationships with them. Friendships that go beyond the borders of camp and last longer, giving us the opportunity to continually speak into their lives. God bless those native children. God bless them abundantly.

A voice to the voiceless

So the previous post, you might have been curious as to what I was specifically talking about. Curious? Well, I dare say... I'll remain silent on the matter. Lol But I will dare to share some other bit of great news.
Over the past few months - or rather since last fall - I have been quietly contemplating the idea of going to school again. I had always loved studying but was afraid I would be wasting time in a four walled room when I could be spending it out and doing something. It took me a long time to finally realize that in order to do what God had called me to, I needed to attend college and be trained. In what you might say?
Have you ever heard of Doctors Without Borders? In short, it's an independent organization of well trained medical staff who travel oversea to aid those who are less fortunate. Anyone from victims of natural or man-made disasters, to the ill fallen of plagues and diseases, to the casualties of war to pretty much anyone else who are neglected. They address the governments and other social organizations to help the needy of their country and ultimately be the voice for the voiceless. With the help of God they can give the inflicted hope... hope for another day and hope for many more days after that. If you are interested in reading more, you can visit their site at: http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/
I too have always wanted to help the most needed. Those who no one else would help. I didn't care about the danger (though I would be careful, such a trivial thing never mattered to me). Honestly, how could I live so comfortably in America when people struggle to survive everyday in other countries?
After much praying the Lord at last revealed the plans He had for my future. Plans that involved Doctors Without Borders. He showed me small glimpses of what He wanted me to do and where He wanted me to be; a short picture of what He had in store for me, and such was enough. Before I knew it, I was sending in my application for admission and writing essays for scholarships. So now as I await my eligibility for school grants, I prepare for the coming adventure ahead.
I know I cannot afford this next step. I could not even afford a month of the schooling I need, but God will provide a way. He always does even if it be at the eleventh hour. I'm happy because I get to trust in Him, knowing I am finally beginning the journey of my life long dream. If only it could happen sooner. Lol

All I can think of is when I finally get to board that plane and travel across seas. When I finally get to carry the hurting children. When I finally get to hold the hand of the elderly. When I will finally look into their faces and smile and tell them there is hope. When I get to tell them that their cry was heard. When I get to tell them about Jesus. That day I eagerly await for.

Stepping outside our box...

You always hear the saying: Don't put God in a box. It's common and after hearing it enough it starts to go "in one ear and out the other". Today in Church our Pastor read Acts chapter 10. You know the one about the wild and unclean animals being lowered on a sheet from the sky when Peter was on the rooftop praying. God told him to eat of it, but Peter refused. Thrice this happened and every time Peter refused. God explained that what God has made clean is clean.

Shortly after some people called on Peter and requested his presence at another's house - this man was named Cornelius (think thats how you spell it). Anyways there, Peter was told that an angel appeared to this Cornelius guy and told him to beckon Peter and hear all that he had to say of the Lord. But the thing is, this guy was not a Jew and nor were his friends. Rather they were Gentiles and in the Jews' eyes they were unclean. No the moral of the story is not to eat them. Lol but you already no that. The whole moral of the story - what Peter had to realize - is the Gospel was also for the Gentiles and every other tribe of people, not just the Jews. In God's eyes all men are equal and has the chance to the remission of sins and eternal life, should they choose to only believe. See, that day God stretched Peter's ministry. God caused Peter to step outside of the box Peter had built for himself. What Peter would never have considered - sharing with the Gentiles the truth of the Lord - God showed him to be His will and what He was calling Peter to do.

This choice was not easy for Peter, being raised in a family, a culture, a nation! where Non-Jewish people were considered unclean and forever lost. Peter had to make a choice to accept what God was telling him; something that was entirely against what he was raised by. He had to make a choice to step outside of this box of beliefs he had built up for himself. He had to take that step of faith and follow the Lord's leading. See, when you put your self and what you can do for the Lord in a box... you are actually putting God in a box. God cannot use you in the great and mighty ways He has planned for your life if you do not choose to first break down those walls you've built and step outside your comfort zone.

That box for you may be numerous of things. It may be traditions, self-experiences of your past, fear, prejudicness or even the time you are willing to give. God desires to use each of us in mighty ways. Some He has already, other's not so much or not at all, but it starts with our choice to surrender to His will for our life. To let Him lead our life and follow wherever He may take us. It requires us to put our trust in Him even when what He is calling us to do is out of our comfort zone or goes against our grain. If He is calling - if the Lord is calling on you and touching your heart - don't be afraid to step outside and see the plans He has for you. Don't be afraid to break down your box.  Don't be afraid to let God out of the box...

Did you know that had Peter not, nor many of the other disciples, chosen to step outside the norm of reality... the box of traditions that their ancestors had built... we would not  be where we are today; children of God much less hearing of the love of our Lord. It takes a willing heart to live the life God has called us to live. Are you willing?

"Help those who no one else will help..."

Hey everyone! =) Sorry its taken so long to write again. *whew* You probably didn't notice my absence but... anyways... A lot has happened since March 27. Goodness gracious that was a century ago! Lol Well anyhow, my life since then in short, my sister and I have moved out and are living on our own. I've started a job at a preserves place right down town and just a few blocks from where I live. I've neglected writing and music almost altogether and... hmm been dreaming of Mexico. Haha Can't get much more exciting than that can it? jk

Well a lot has been on my mind (other than work and Mexico). For one, I'm trying to figure what the Lord's plan is for my life. To my Pa without question it would writing and music. To others a career in nursing or a classical pianist and violinist. While all of those sound amazing and some I may be a little good at (not the classical part) my heart seems to be continually wandering elsewhere. To a place I'm not even sure. For a long while it has actually, and I've always just ignored it and figured "when the time came". Well... the time is now, isn't it? I mean I'm eighteen going on nineteen and most people my age already know what they want to do with their life. I did too I thought but now I wonder if it's my desire, my Pa's or... God's.

I want what God wants. I just... I'm not sure what that is and how to get to it. Lemme explain a bit. I've always had a passion for helping other people. I don't care in the least how dangerous it is, if the Lord is with me what have I to fear?... except spiders. =P Consider Haiti or the hidden tribes in South America's jungle. The people no one even knows about or doesn't want to know about. The people that are the most needy, and as busy as my life is, I cannot rest until I find them and help them. I'm not educated in medical at all and neither am I the strongest Christian who can heal the sick (tho i do know that with God anything is possible). Point is I'm not special, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to go to the ends of the earth to find these needy people.

A bit ago I prayed to God about this very thing and He answered (no not literally. altho how amazing that would be!) He spoke to my heart. He didn't make everything clear to me what my future was, but I heard Him say this much and since then I can't get these words out of my head: "Be like me. Help those that need me the most. Help those who can't help themselves. Help those who no one else will help."

Living it Out

Do our actions match what we proclaim? We sometimes say one thing but end up doing another? Maybe all the time?

Being a Christian is not an easy task. Many times the grass does seem more greener on the other side. Thats when we look to Jesus. We didn't choose this path with Christ for benefits here on earth. We didn't make that commitment to make life easier and more pleasurable here in this world. We did it for a higher reason. We did it for the future of our souls and for the joy and peace that we can expect there in our home in Heaven

So then why can't we skip this life on earth and just jump to Heaven? Chances are you already know this answer. Everybody's heard it and every body talks about it. But if we really understood the reason of our existence on this earth - to the share the Gospel - then why aren't we stepping up and doing it?

Yes, we may do something here or there. Yes we may say "God loves you" once, twice or even a dozen times a week, but there's more we can do then just saying it. We can act it. If we really believed God loved the world, then would we even hesitate to love our enemy? If we really believed God had the power to perform miracles, then wouldn't we be laying hands on the sick? If we really believed that God was coming back soon and that there was no time to lose, then wouldn't we be sharing the Gospel even as I am writing?

I'm not saying I'm perfect. This is something I have to tell myself everyday. I fail and I doubt and I laze around the house doing nothing all too often. But God is calling us, this generation, us youth, to rise up and lift our voices. He is calling us to be laborers in His fields and plant the seeds and water the soil.

Sitting in the church pews being fed by God's powerful Word and worshiping Him with other Christians is all good and well. I'm not saying you can't be fed and uplifted too, but during those other six days of the week it is important to bring the Gospel to the world. We are uplifted so that we might uplift others. We are fed and strengthened so that, through the leading of the Holy Spirit, we might help strengthen and encourage others.

You can do it at your school, job or even on the streets of your city. You don't have to be talented or have lots of money. But you do have to have a willing heart and yielding spirit. And remember, sometimes actions do mean more than words. So remain strong in your faith, always drawing closer to God and letting His light shine in you, because if we took the time to remember why we are here on this earth... then we would realize it is for such a purpose as to be those laborers in the Harvest.

"...The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest."

Luke 10:2 (KJV)

Will you be a laborer for Jesus?

Music - A gift from God

Hey guys,


If you're listening then I have something BIG to tell you. Ready for it? Here it is: Music is amazing!! =P My sister is flipping through songs on my IPod right now and I don't know, for some reason music can just sooth ya and calm ya. It can excite you too or sadden you. Honestly, if you really think about it, music can really shape a lot of your emotions.


But the important thing here isn't that music is so powerful and how it plays in our emotions, but that music is a gift from God and that if used for His glory it can move mountains and aid in healing the most wounded and broken soul. It can bridge any gap and bring so many diverse people together. Does that make sense? I mean, even if somebody is singing in a different language that you can't understand, when you're worshipping God it doesn't matter. You can still fall into the heart of worship, you can still glorify God and through it you can still be part of praising our Creator.


When my family was down in Mexico for four years... we got to see a lot of diverse people. This may sound strange, but there was even clans of German and Korean groups there. Yeah. Pretty interesting huh? Not to mention the growing population of Americans.


The thing is, when we first arrived we didn't know any Spanish save some basic words like: "Taco" and "Bano" (bathroom). LOL. So when we attended church service, yes sometimes people translated, but a lot of times we were left to sit there and listen completely confused. But thats the thing! Christ, even though we couldn't understand them, brought us together as one family and one people. We were still fed by God's Word. We were still lifted up and drawn closer to Him... and the worship (this is where music plays in). We were still praising God with one voice and one heart united for Jesus.


Have you ever attended a service in a language you did not understand? Have you ever worshipped in a congregation with people who spoke a different dialect? Somehow the music bridges the gap between the languages. It doesn't matter any more if you don't understand every word or even that you can't sing it. As long as it's for the glory of God, you can still lift your hands in praise and bask in the presence of God. Music. It can make you cry, laugh, jump and dance.


It is a gift from God that goes beyond words; and when your heart can't express its deepest feelings and burdens and thoughts through words... it can through music. :) What would our world be without music?!


So next time a melody drifts to your ears, think of God and thank Him for that simple yet amazing gift from Him. Then lift your own voice and praise Him and play your instruments, because He gifted you with that as well to glorify Him.

What does God have in store for me?

Hey again!

Middle of the week and I'm relaxing in my Montana home, watching the snow fall outside. Fact is, I'm taking advantage of the fact that I don't have to work today till 6 p.m. lol And it really does pay off to finish high school early. Never again will I have headaches because of it.

So already my week has been a blast. Hard times yes, but great times too as I find myself growing in Christ in seemingly leaps and bounds (I just pray I take that head knowledge and sink it in my heart and that there it will remain forever).

Honestly, this week I have learned so much as God has opened my eyes to new perspectives of the same basic teachings. Its like I'm learning everything afresh all over again. And think of this, is it just coincidence that I have heard this one particular message being preached at least three times this week and am filled with these songs and verses that say the same thing? "Take that step of faith and answer to the calling that God has appointed you. 'Do not be afraid for I am with you'".

I'm not sure if I've shared this or not, but recently I have been struggling and searching for what God wants me to do with my life. "What does God have in store for me? What calling is He appointing me to do? When can I start this 'quest'? Where am I to start?" I'm so anxious to do something for the Lord  that I find myself not satisfied with normal life. I'm tired of waiting and I want to take action. Only, does God want me to take action now? Do I still need to prepare? Am I ready for the tasks He has called for me? I want my life to be completely surrendered to God, Him leading my every move, and yet even as I say that I wonder how many times I've left God out in important decisions in my life.

Its so easy to take your life in your own hands. You naturally think it must be God's will because it sounds so good and it seems like the right thing to do. But is it really? What if you find that because you took that certain job or made that particular decision that now you missed out on the opportunity that God originally called you for? That is what I'm scared of.

So anyways, in a nutshell, thats been my prayer and struggle for the past month. What does God have in store for me? I don't want to wait anymore. I want to go out and do something. Yet how do I go about it? I want His will in my life but where am I to take the first step? When will be the day that I hear Him say, "Now is the time."?

You know, thinking back on when my family was in full time ministry it seemed life was a lot easier. I mean course we had our ups and downs - trials and hardship never seemed to cease - but somewhere I found this amazing peace and joy and fullness that surpassed all that. Life had so much more meaning and now that I am living a normal life there's something of that goodness that I no longer feel. Does that make sense?

"Serving others is like blessing yourself". You mean to bless others but instead you find yourself being blessed in return. And yet its not just all about receiving the blessings, but about knowing that your life is not being wasted by sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips. (lol. no offense to anyone).

You find that precious time isn't spilled over senseless issues when you serve God and live for the Greater Calling. Seriously, your life really does take on a different meaning when you live for Christ and that fullness - that joy of knowing you are spreading the love and Gospel of Christ - that is really what I miss. Thats why I am so anxious to "get back to working again" and serving God. Thats why I desire to be delving into His will, full-throttle and sold out, as I fulfill His calling for my life. I want to live for nothing else.

"Lord, I pray thee, show me Thy will for my life. Make it clear unto me and give me the strength to take those steps towards Your will. Give me discernment and give me patience. Let Thine will be done, as in Heaven so on Earth. In Jesus' name. Amen."