A Stark Contrast

I am continuously reminded of the world that lies beyond the North American borders. We lose ourselves in the comforts of this blessed country. We indulge in foods and entertainment that others could not even imagine. We who live "ordinary lives" are among the richest people in the world, and except a few pockets here and there scattered across the globe, so many live in  poverty. (This isn't to say we all have it good here. There are numerous tragedies on this very soil, but in general we do live more comfortably than others.)

The American dream becomes a stark contrast to what lies beyond a few southern borders, or just an ocean away. While we stress about driving through traffic or the line at Starbucks, others across the globe are struggling to feed their malnourished children or receive the treatment for tuberculosis. The sheer culture shock is why people are debriefed before and after going across seas. We are not mentally prepared for what lies beyond.

For years, my heart has been longing to reach such nations. I began studying at a community college for nursing, only to realize that my heart was passionate about pathology. I moved to Bozeman so I can finish my bachelor in microbiology. Ultimately, Lord willing, I want to get through med school and join Doctors Without Borders. While I am on the right track, it feels like it is taking too long. I wish I could walk out my front door now. I wish I could buy a plane ticket and fly to Africa. I wish I could find those refugee camps where Ebola and XDR-TB ravage the countryside. I want to help the inflicted, both researching in their lab and directly working with the people. However, I know that I would only be in the way if I went right now. I know I must first prepare myself.

You may ask, what can you do while you are still here? One could volunteer locally, or donate money to an organization, or at the very least keep these people in prayers. We can also gain a little perspective. While we are distracted by the "suffering" of a First World country (like trying to send a text when our battery is dying or passing the "idiot" who is driving too slow) let's remember that at the end of the day we will be climbing into a warm bed with a full stomach. Instead of naming off all the things that went wrong in our day, we should count our blessings and seek ways in which to bless others less fortunate. Don't turn a blind eye to the inflictions of the world. Here their cry and answer.

Trials as blessings

The valley sits in a haze as fires ignite everywhere. Smoke settles as low as the treetops, thick as cotton, hiding the light of the sun from even the keenest eye. Everyone was so happy for the skip of springs showers, yet unknown to all was the great price we were to pay for it. It seems as dusk in the middle of the day.

How many times do we fear the storms in our own life? How often do we despair at even the smallest trials? As one band put it, "Cuz' the pain that you've been feeling / Is just the dark before the morning". How difficult would it be to recognize the blessings in our life, if we did not experience trials and heartbreak? Perhaps they are a reminder, adjusting our perspective, to see how great the little joys are in life. Perhaps they themselves are blessings in disguise, allowing us to truly appreciate a happy moment, a blessed moment, a moment of opportunity when they arise.

Count your trials as blessings and hardships as reminders. Without them there would be no contrast to illuminate the great times, and life would then fade into a mundane, monotonous rhythm.

And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved.
(Acts 2:21)

How beautiful! How simple! Amazingly, God pours forth all His mercy, love and great blessings to those who call upon His majestic name. By placing all faith in Christ, the believer is given the ultimate promise: glorious eternity with his Creator and Saviour. This demands praise and rejoicing to the Most High God. For He is worthy.

I had a dream

I saw the face of Jesus.

It was dark outside, and cold. Snow swept across the fogging windshield and piled around the already buried tires. No doubt, like last year, I had never gotten around to putting on winter tires. To add to my frustration the engine was sputtering out as well.

There was a glow from a house close by, and a stream of thick smoking lifting into the night sky. My sister and I hesitated, but finally we decided to trudge through the knee high snow and knock on the door. A woman appeared in the doorway. I don't recall for sure, but I believe she wore an apron and had something cooking on the stove. To say the least it was a warm, cozy place, and with open arms they welcomed us in.

They were a sweet couple. They offered us a cup of hot something, and a place to sleep. The next morning we awoke, and from there it blurred for a bit. We must have stayed for a couple days because we got to know them fairly well. It was through one of our conversations around the fireplace when they brought up the rumors of the traveling train.

There had been several accounts of a man, many whom claimed was Jesus, passing through from town to town along the railroad. The accounts all said children accompanied Him, and that wherever He visited many had believed on the Lord, giving their life to Jesus. It was then they told us that He would be passing through that town in just a few short days. Obviously there was no exact schedule, but the rumors claimed His next destination was there.

A few mornings later news spread that He would be arriving in a few short hours. Alina and I were skeptical, yet curious. Bundled up in borrowed boots, jackets, hats and scarves, we made our way to the train station. There was a small crowd gathering, whispering to one another in anticipation. We all had the same question in mind. Who was this man whom touched the hearts and inspired so many people? Who was this man whom they called Jesus?

It first came as a small light, flickering off in the distance. As it grew closer, the light brightened and lit up the sky. The engine rumbled, smoke bellowed high, and the rhythmic grind of the gears. What surprised us all was the sound of laughter. Child laughter, starting out faint and barely audible and growing louder.

Before we knew it, the train was hauling in right beside us. Odd as it may sound, the cars had no roofs, and thus were exposed to the weather. Yet no one appeared cold. There were children everywhere, and suddenly just being in there midst made one bubble up in laughter and joy.

We ran along with the train until it came to a complete stop. When it did, I climbed up the side of one car and found myself looking right into the face of the man whom everyone called Jesus. In an instant I knew that all the rumors were true. I was looking right into the eyes of the Son of God. I saw His love. I saw Him looking at me, and I crumbled from the intensity of His love for me, and I cried. My whole body shook. In that moment I was overwhelmed in His presence.

He was surrounded by little children of all ages. He wore no fancy robes. He wore no crown of jewels. He was dressed quite simple. He was clean shaven save something of a three day stubble. His hair was brown, curly locks. His eyes I cannot put into words. Imagine a light hue, almost the color of blue and like glass. When He looked at you He looked into your soul. All knowing, yet entirely and altogether loving. I cannot explain this love that I felt, but when He set His gaze on me I felt so comforted, so rejuvenated, so full of hope, and so loved. I didn't want to let Him go. I understood in that moment what true unconditional love was. And his smile. He smiled at me. After seeing beyond the walls I had built up over the years, after seeing and acknowledging every hidden secret within my heart, after beholding my dirty and blemished soul, He smiled at me.

What is in a smile? I tell you, I cannot know save the smile of Jesus Christ. He did not condemn me. He loved me. He greeted me like I meant everything to Him. That was how He greeted everyone. It reminded me of that verse,

"For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved." John 3:17 KJV

He didn't say much, but this one thing I remember well. I don't recall the exact words, but one thing He kept repeating over and over was, “Trace my image and share it with the world.”

I told Him I did not understand. I told Him I had a sore hand for art, and that I could never do His glory justice. He only replied with the same request. I understand now that He did not mean literally draw His face, but rather share to the world the image of who He was and what He had done. I finally told Him I would. (This is me trying.)

The train had to pull out not long after that, and I begged Him to stay. I clung to Him, and nigh willed Him to remain, but He said He must continue. I begged to follow Him. I did not want to ever leave His side again. He was suddenly all I cared to live for. But in a still, small voice He told me to stay and pursue the calling He had given me. It reminded me of the man whom Jesus delivered from the demons when He crossed the sea of Galilee. The man begged to follow Jesus, but Christ commanded him to stay and go and share with the town what the Lord had done.

"And when he was come into the ship, he that had been possessed with the devil prayed him that he might be with him. 

"Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee.

^"And he departed, and began to publish in Decapolis how great things Jesus had done for him: and all men did marvel."

Mark 5:18-20

I was not on that train when it pulled out. I remained behind. This truly applies to me in real life because for a long time I have been restless to go and do God's work in other countries right now. There have been nights where I could not sleep and would do anything to leave everything behind and just go. I have had really no patience to wait on the Lord's timing. But in that dream, when He told me to stay behind, I know that He was referring to me remaining here in the Flathead Valley and continuing school, being a witness here for Him.

When the engine began to rumble and smoke bellow out, I asked Jesus in my dream to let me look at His face once more. To gaze into His beautiful countenance, and behold His pure, innocent yet powerful glory. Pure love. Unconditional. Pure joy. I have never felt anything like it before.

I had cried when I looked into his face. Tears not of sadness, but an overwhelming of peace. I cried when I later rejoined the crowds and tried to tell them what I saw. I cried when I awoke this morning and discovered this all a dream. I cried when I realized that God did indeed care enough to visit me in a dream, JUST to tell me that He loved me, that He knew all I had and was currently going through, and to tell me He heard every prayer. He had been just as excited and anxious to meet me as I was to see Him. To show Himself unto me after all these years. He had seen my blind faith, and He at last manifested a small portion of Himself. I will forever remember that night.

Too often we think that because God does not come storming through and presenting His full majesty for us to behold, performing astounding miracles in our lives, that He must not see us or care for us. We think that God must not love us because He does not manifest himself to us. We think He doesn't care because He allows tragedies to befall us. We tend to think that we are too blemished for Him to care to love us or forgive us. We are so quick to condemn ourselves. But let me tell you this. To everyone who desires a relationship and reconciliation with Jesus Christ, He does not condemn you, but loves and cherishes you. He rejoices over you, and He is smiling on you right now though you cannot see Him. He hears you. I can vouch for that.

I looked on the internet about images of Jesus. Numerous life accounts poured through Google search, and everyone exclaimed over and over about His eyes and love. They claimed he had light eyes, some thought green and others blue. I personally believe they are a color no man can recognize, yet our mind struggles to tag a color our simple minds know.

I am positive with no doubt that I saw Jesus. I know it, and this I will cherish. I can hardly wait to see Him again in Heaven, and I desperately hope I have the most blessed opportunity to see Him again before then.

 "That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, 

"May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; 

"And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God."

Ephesians 3:17-19 KJV

Sharing His love

Sometime ago I shared that I was sponsoring a child over seas. His name was Shishir. Unfortunately, I received an email a couple weeks ago informing me that Shishir had moved away, and was no longer available to be sponsored. I was worried, thinking the worst, but they assured me that he was healthy and in good care. They told me that he had only moved away from their ministry base of Compassion International in that area.

I have been praying on whether or not to adopt another child. Knowing that you are giving hope to a child (or family) in need is so rewarding. No doubt I do want to continue to donate in some way or another. I started reading up on the internet of other ministries. I looked through the EurasiaCommunity website. I went to the MSF Doctors Without Borders website. I started thinking that perhaps instead of giving a huge chunk of money to one organization, maybe I should disperse it among a few.

The Lord has blessed me in so many ways lately. Beyond proving me a place to stay for low rent, He has provided scholastic funds, healed my car, and given me multiple avenues to earn money. The Lord has indeed seen me through every obstacle, meeting my every need.

I had a dream a few weeks ago - I won't go into it now, but it was incredible and I will post it soon - about the Lord telling me to share His testimony to the world, and share His love. I plan to do just that.

If but the world could see His love! His love is more than anyone of us can imagine. When people say that God is love, they have noo idea how true that is! I caught a glimpse of just how big His love is, but it was for only a second. For anyone out there who is struggling and feels all alone, take heart! I have been there, and Someone cares! Someone hears your prayers. His name is Jesus, and He loves you beyond your wildest dreams.

Found this devo this morn on Through the Bible Daily Devotionals. In short I didn't have time for my own study. (The couch which I have been sleeping on for the past few weeks was just far too comfortable. Lol!) Thought I'd share this one with you. Indeed, when we choose to stray from God, He has no choice but to let us. For He is a God who grants us free will. We are not puppets whereby He pulls our strings and we do His bidding. He calls us and lets us choose if we want to follow Him or not.

How gracious and blessed IS our God for restoring us to Himself when we repent and seek His presence. In truth, His well of mercy never dries nor is limited. How great is the love of our Lord toward us!

2 Chronicles 12:1,5 (NIV) 1After Rehoboam's position as king was established and he had become strong, he and all Israel with him abandoned the law of the LORD...

5Then the prophet Shemaiah came to Rehoboam and to the leaders of Judah who had assembled in Jerusalem for fear of Shishak, and he said to them, "This is what the LORD says, 'You have abandoned me; therefore, I now abandon you to Shishak.'"

Rehoboam began with greed and immediately lost two-thirds of the nation. That did not humble him. He continued in his pride. After strengthening his army and defenses, he abandoned the law of the LORD. As the leader went, so went the nation. They followed his bad example in forsaking God.

An innumerable army, led by the king of Egypt, came against him and captured all the cities he had fortified and armed. One by one they fell. Then the prophet Shemaiah came and told Rehoboam that since they had abandoned God, God had abandoned them. Since they wanted to proceed without God, God allowed them to. What would our life be like without the protection of the hand of God? When a man or family or nation is walking in the fear of the LORD, they are surrounded by a protecting influence. You will never know all the things the LORD spared you from that the enemy planned against your life. That is why the end of the LORD's prayer says, "Deliver us from the evil one."

When we step outside of a trusting dependent relationship with God, that invisible hand of protection is lifted and the enemy is allowed in to bring us to our senses. It worked for Rehoboam. He and his leaders humbled themselves and said, "The LORD is just." Then God could have mercy on them and allowed Jerusalem to remain, though subjugated. All the treasure amassed in the temple was carried away by the enemy. Sin has consequences, and though we are allowed to continue and are restored relationally, there is a great loss because of our rebellion.

Consider: Draw near to God now so that He does not have to use tragedy to draw you back.

God is GOOD

God is so good! How often we hear those words, yet think nothing of it. Yesterday, those words came to life. God has blessed me so much I am losing count of them all. Lol. No I didn't win the lottery, and no I wasn't given a 2014 Jaguar. The Lord has blessed me with opportunities to serve, with a clearer understanding of His word, with a growing passion to be like Him, and love the world as He does.

In addition, I received an award letter from a scholarship. It truly came just in time, for my bills was going to be cutting into the negative. With that scholarship I have less then fifty dollars to pay for tuition this semester. See, God does come through when we take that leap of faith, and choose to follow Him.

It is through the times of testing and trials where we see His power the most. When we choose to let go, it is then He can move mountains in our lives. When we give Him the wheel, like that one song by Carrie Underwood, it is then that He will take control and show us the way. We can rest assured that under His wings we shall never be desolate. Take heart and never give up, for in the footsteps of the Almighty will we find victory. God IS good!

To trust

Those who trust in the Lord shall never be moved. Trust. It is what God has been teaching me lately. I guess I am starting to realize that. As much as I do trust in God, there are so many times when I don't. Many times I rely on myself, taking control of my life, and forgetting to seek His will. I believe the lie that I know better than He, and that even if I should follow through with something that I know I shouldn't, I think the consequences won't be so terrible. Well let me tell you, the Lord has been graciously merciful to me.

I want to seek Him more. I want to worship Him more. I want to put Him in the forefront of my daily life. I want to trust Him more. I want to have no fear or worry.

I recall asking Him to teach me patience, and give me more faith. Well, we all know that God does not just GIVE us those things. He puts us in situations that will cause us to exercise those things, and ultimately strengthening us. Thus perhaps my car dilemma - the fact that I always tend to break down right in the middle of the road during rush hour - is but a small way in which He has given me an opportunity to have more faith and patience.

I admit, I have not always been strong, but God is faithful and ever gracious. I know that I can hope in Him even when I cannot see the hope of tomorrow. You would think I would have learned that by now, but alas, I find that I have not. In truth, it is through the tragedies and hardship when I see His face. For He makes Himself known to me in the deepest valleys, when I am at my lowest. When I am the weakest, THAT is when I see He is the strongest.

With this renewed hope, I know I can rejoice in the face of danger and misfortune. I can rejoice because even in the darkest of times God is in control. Gloria a Dios!

College Debate over Creationism

"And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." This is found in the book of Genesis, chapter two, verse seven, of the Bible.

Schools these days teach evolution, and how the world came into being through a series of combustible activity. They speak of how we were dealt a lucky hand in that life on earth was established when a Big Bang exploded in the sky. Indeed, there might have been a big bang, but not by accident. It did not take billions of years, but merely six days (thats less than a week) to complete creation, wrought by a sovereign God with unlimited power. Yet we are not taught this in most schools. Instead, we are told how the world and even the complexity and perfect functioning of the present human body, down to the alignment of every cell and its forming of our organs, can come from the evolving of simpler more flawed creatures. I beg to differ.

The eye itself is comprised of in numerous mechanical pieces. From the hundreds of cells, to the thousands of proteins, to how the eye reacts to light and expands in darkness, to the clarity of the lens and how it can focus from even a great distance, to even how the brain sorts through the information the eye sends, and creates an image for us to understand. This organ is complicated to the highest degree, and could not have developed over time. After all, how did evolution know the eye was needed when there was no telling there was anything to see? It must have been intentionally created. Not to mention that if chance could throw together a masterpiece such as the eye, then why can't we, with our intelligent minds, duplicate that same organ to give sight to the blind?

Do you know of any building that did not have a builder? Do you know of any book that did not have a writer? Do you know of any song that did not have a composer? How about this one: Do you know of any world that did not have a Maker?

Sir Fred Hoyle, British mathematician and astronomer, was quoted in Nature magazine, November 12, 1981, as saying, "The chance that higher life forms might have emerged in this way is comparable with the chance that a tornado sweeping through a junk-yard might assemble a Boeing 747 from the materials therein."

Why then is this theory of evolution being taught to the future generations? Perhaps because many truly believe it. Perhaps because many do not wish to admit there is a God. It is obvious though, that throughout the world and for thousands of years, mankind have sought for a higher power. They seek something or someone to worship. They seek a dictator, a leader, a judge. The Muslims believe in Allah, Hindu does Buddha, and the early Egyptians gave reverence to a sun God amongst many others. In America, we too seek to worship and reverend something or someone, be it materialistic gain, fame, or a celebrity. The only conclusion we can draw is that we as humans are wired with a like mind, a hunger if you will, to put our trust in something.

Beyond this instinct of ours, there is more in nature that proves that we were created. Take a look at a common number that streams through all of the universe. There are 3,168 furlongs in the Earth’s radius, 31,680 miles in its perimeter, and when you add up the “square circle of the earth”, it totals 31,680 miles. All of these examples of the same number can only mean one thing. There is a common thread tying together all of nature. Further more, there is a fingerprint in all of the universe.

One of the main illustrations of evolution is how we came from monkeys. In truth, we do have similar characteristics to the chimpanzee. To name a few: we share 85-95% of the same DNA, we often eat a common diet, we both use a form of communication (theirs done mostly through grunts, hoots, even screams), and we both love to socialize and show affection be it hugging, giving a friendly pat or even tickling. Yes... even tickling. But one problem still seems to stand in the way of them being our ancestors. If evolution is the refining for a better creature, and we are that better and more accomplished creature, why then do chimpanzees still exist? Why do sloths exist? And why did the Woolly Mammoth become extinct?

There are answers to these questions. The answers do not hide from us, and they are at our grasp. They all point to one explanation. We are not alone in this universe. We have a Creator.

By the power of His words the world came into being. He said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. He molded the mountains and opened the valleys with just His voice. The waters, so deep and untamed, He constrained them about with beaches of fine sand and precarious and lofty cliffs. The seed He folded into the soil, and nursing it with care, it bore goodly fruits. 6 days and the work was complete. And yet as amazing as it all was, the best creation was mankind. The only, in which He breathed life into from His own self.

People will always seek proof and evidence of how the world came into existence. And indeed, as we have seen, there is proof but we often tend to forget the evidence that surrounds us. The evidence manifesting before our very eyes. When we first hold a newborn, or when our bodies fight a virus, or when we find ourselves falling in love for the first time. The things of the heart… emotions… our ever nagging consciousness… even how the earth spins and how we manage to not fall off. WE are that evidence that there is a Creator, and that life is an intentional creation. Not only is life intentional but we, you and me, are beautifully and wonderfully made by a sovereign God. And we have a purpose.

By His Breath

Imagine the universe spread from east to west, beyond the eye could ever see. Imagine the blazing flame of the sun, to warm our skin and burn the darkness away. Imagine the power of the wind, how it heaves with every breath. Imagine every living creature, somehow coexisting in an odd sort of balance of life and death. Imagine the mighty waves that roar and crash against the precipice cliff, that tower above its waters. Imagine the depth of the ocean and all its mysteries.Imagine each and every phenomenon which cannot be explained by evolution. Some will always argue life came from a Big Bang, a sudden burst of certain chemicals by chance. I say it is the evidence of a God, and with but one voice the earth was spoken into motion. By His breath, we have life.

Strangely at Peace

That moment when you find yourself overwhelmed with so much to do and never enough time. That moment when a sudden rush of fear comes over you that you are losing money left and right. To the world, I am in way over my head. But when I seek the face of the Lord, I find that all I want to do is worship Him. I want to dwell in His presence, and suddenly that overwhelming burden of fear and worry lifts from my shoulders. I am strangely at peace. I look ahead with a smile and high hopes. Jesus is amazing!

Invisibly

God has been working amazingly in my life. Everything from blessing me with true friends and a loving family, to giving me the opportunity and way to pursue this calling of nursing, to just encouraging me and motivating me to continue in His will.

I went to a luncheon today at the community college I attend. It was to honor the many donors of scholarships as well as congratulate the recipient students. I was blessed enough to be one. I was nervous at first, but soon that subsided as it was replaced with a kindling fire and assurance that I was doing what God wanted me to do. I witnessed countless donors and students who publicly professed their Faith. I had the opportunity to meet my supporters. I enjoyed a wonderful lunch (with pumpkin cheesecake as a dessert).

This day. This week. This year has truly been blessed. Yet now is the week upon us where many children don their costumes and trick or treat. So much darkness is in this time of year. Most people do not see it because it is subtle. Yet through and through not all take October 31 as just a fun filled day. Many take it to a serious occult level.

God has weighed it heavily on my heart to pray for this nation... To pray globally over this day and the children and families. May God's presence be evident and His power be at work today as this spiritual battle is being fought invisibly around us. Unknown to the eye yet ever amongst us.

A total of 700

Amazing Youth Conference in Great Falls this weekend. God moved mountains. A total of 700 people. Looking forward to next year already! =)

Gloria a Dios!

Praise God! From the highest mountains to the deepest seas, let us lift our voices in adoration to our King! He has blessed me so much. From gifting me with a scholarship to cover yet more of my college tuition, to giving me so many great friends, to indeed being my comforter in every hardship. The Lord Jehovah is in truth, the Father of love, mercy, compassion, and power. And so much more!

My car died several times today. It couldn't hold an idle for more than a second; which is not near enough to pull the gear from park into drive. The devil truly is using every trick up his sleeve to discourage me, and to keep me from pursuing the calling God has set for me. But the enemy will not win. I will not back down. God has given me an assignment to serve across seas and I will not 'throw in the towel'. I will not let God or those overseas be disappointed.

There will come a day when I will pass all these obstacles and look back on the path which I struggled. I will know that the trials were worth it. I will be amazed at God's grace in guiding me. I will worship Him for all He has done. And thus, I shall worship Him even now. Gloria a Dios!

A New Person

God is so good! But of course you all already know that. =)

It hasn't been all rainbows and daisies recently, but the Lord is faithful. Despite all that I struggle with I see Him working in amazing ways, behind the scenes. He has become so much apart of my daily activities. He has His foot in everything I do and I love it! I want to include Him. No longer do I feel His presence only at church, but in every single aspect of my life.

He is healing me from the inside out. He is blessing me. He is giving me the strength to endure the trials I face everyday. In fact, despite all the heartache of I am dealing with I have to say that this season has been great! It has been blessed! I will remember these days as a paradise. Why? Not because of what the world has thrown at me, but because of how God has been working in my life... in my heart. I feel like a completely new person! And I am so excited to share it with you all!

Unexplained Change

First off I just want to apologize for not writing sooner. God has been working in my life in ways I never would have imagined. To list them all here would be to write a book.

As you may have noticed I have been waiting two weeks to update Voice for the Voiceless rather than only one. At first I must admit it was out of procrastination but now I feel the Lord leading me to continue to pray even longer, for the children and their families who die from hunger, for instance, every year. All I can think about is their skin and bones and weeping faces and frightened eyes and loss of hope that seem to scream from the pictures I find online.

I can't help but want to hold them in my arms and whisper to them about Jesus and His love. To tell them that He is watching them and wiping away their tears and weeping when they weep and indeed rejoicing when they are happy. I want so desperately to hear the sound of their carefree giggles and hearty laughs. To see the smile in their eyes. I want to love them like Jesus. In short, I am dedicating yet another week to "Endless Hunger".

In addition to that, I at last started my first day of college. Public Speaking was the class and I have a feeling that I will enjoy it immensely. I still can't believe that I am finally beginning this journey to pursue my dream. I only wish it didn't have to take so long. Four years seems like centuries when you know that people are dying everyday. It's so hard for me to be happy without feeling guilty inside. Here I laugh while they cry. Perhaps such is the reason I find myself awkwardly crying in randoms moments of the day.

Call me emotional but all my life it was so easy for me to weep selfish tears. It came so easily when someone hurt my feelings. Yet now, today, I couldn't shed a tear. I was at a lost until suddenly the Lord reminded me of the hurting children from across seas. Thinking of their pain caused me to cry endlessly. I didn't even know why but it ached so deep inside, and I could literally feel their burdens and sorrow. It took everything inside me to keep from jumping a plane at that moment and shipping myself off to some unnamed country. Indeed, I find it slightly frightening the way the Lord is working in my life and heart.

Yet perhaps it is OK if it gives me the drive and motivation to run after this calling, if it keeps me focused on the Lord's will for my life, then I don't mind it. I am thankful. I am thankful for how much the Lord has been changing me. Now I hear Him tell me that He wants to bless me.

He says that I am "ready". That the "time is here". Yet time for what? I don't understand but I feel Him smile. I am so glad that Jesus is so alive in my life. I only wish I could live my calling today. Right now. I know the day will come and these such weekly prayers are the only thing that holds me together while I wait for me to be ready. May I live to be everything that God has planned for me and nothing more. 

And bless those children who do hunger. Their pain is in my heart always.

My first ever!

98 Dodge Neon. At the end of the day, when all else seems to fail, I feel Him lift me up and bless me. Indeed, He is faithful to those who seek Him. He is faithful and He is wonderful. Thank you God for all you do. Alas, I know you are with me.


Let me introduce you to my first ever...