Unexplained Change

First off I just want to apologize for not writing sooner. God has been working in my life in ways I never would have imagined. To list them all here would be to write a book.

As you may have noticed I have been waiting two weeks to update Voice for the Voiceless rather than only one. At first I must admit it was out of procrastination but now I feel the Lord leading me to continue to pray even longer, for the children and their families who die from hunger, for instance, every year. All I can think about is their skin and bones and weeping faces and frightened eyes and loss of hope that seem to scream from the pictures I find online.

I can't help but want to hold them in my arms and whisper to them about Jesus and His love. To tell them that He is watching them and wiping away their tears and weeping when they weep and indeed rejoicing when they are happy. I want so desperately to hear the sound of their carefree giggles and hearty laughs. To see the smile in their eyes. I want to love them like Jesus. In short, I am dedicating yet another week to "Endless Hunger".

In addition to that, I at last started my first day of college. Public Speaking was the class and I have a feeling that I will enjoy it immensely. I still can't believe that I am finally beginning this journey to pursue my dream. I only wish it didn't have to take so long. Four years seems like centuries when you know that people are dying everyday. It's so hard for me to be happy without feeling guilty inside. Here I laugh while they cry. Perhaps such is the reason I find myself awkwardly crying in randoms moments of the day.

Call me emotional but all my life it was so easy for me to weep selfish tears. It came so easily when someone hurt my feelings. Yet now, today, I couldn't shed a tear. I was at a lost until suddenly the Lord reminded me of the hurting children from across seas. Thinking of their pain caused me to cry endlessly. I didn't even know why but it ached so deep inside, and I could literally feel their burdens and sorrow. It took everything inside me to keep from jumping a plane at that moment and shipping myself off to some unnamed country. Indeed, I find it slightly frightening the way the Lord is working in my life and heart.

Yet perhaps it is OK if it gives me the drive and motivation to run after this calling, if it keeps me focused on the Lord's will for my life, then I don't mind it. I am thankful. I am thankful for how much the Lord has been changing me. Now I hear Him tell me that He wants to bless me.

He says that I am "ready". That the "time is here". Yet time for what? I don't understand but I feel Him smile. I am so glad that Jesus is so alive in my life. I only wish I could live my calling today. Right now. I know the day will come and these such weekly prayers are the only thing that holds me together while I wait for me to be ready. May I live to be everything that God has planned for me and nothing more. 

And bless those children who do hunger. Their pain is in my heart always.

Endless Hunger - A Voice for the Voiceless

"...Children are the most visible victims of undernutrition.  Children who are poorly nourished suffer up to 160 days of illness each year. Poor nutrition plays a role in at least half of the 10.9 million child deaths each year--five million deaths.  Undernutrition magnifies the effect of every disease, including measles and malaria.

According to the most recent estimate that Hunger Notes could find, malnutrition, as measured by stunting, affects 32.5 percent of children in developing countries--one of three (de Onis 2000). Geographically, more than 70 percent of malnourished children live in Asia, 26 percent in Africa and 4 percent in Latin America and the Caribbean. In many cases, their plight began even before birth with a malnourished mother. Under-nutrition among pregnant women in developing countries leads to 1 out of 6 infants born with low birth weight. This is not only a risk factor for neonatal deaths, but also causes learning disabilities, mental, retardation, poor health, blindness and premature death..."

These poor children suffer all their lives, many never having a real meal. Truly nothing but skin and bones, it makes me ashamed to know how much we stuff our faces here in America. And think of all those millions of dollars going into dieting and special pills to help us lose weight. Think of how many people are bulimic. We spend $50+ on a steak dinner when that could indeed feed so many starving families across seas.

I'm not saying that it is a sin to enjoy a nice meal every now and again but don't forget about those who are going hungry. Don't forget about those children who are dying everyday, losing the battle of hunger. They can't even imagine what it feels like to be full. They don't know what it's like to "eat out of boredom". Food isn't a luxury to them. It's a prize they fight everyday only to find it many times unobtainable.

Please join me in praying to God for these people. They are suffering and in pain. These children many times are beyond recovery, but you and I know of Someone who can still heal them. You and I know that there is still hope. If nothing else than for their souls. Don't let us turn a blind eye to their anguish and cry.

"Lord hear their cry tonight. Hold them in Your arms and fill their bellies. Bring people to their aid and stop this hunger. Let them find hope in You. Rain manna down and bless them. Show them Your strength and power and grace and love. Let them know that You are near and have heard them. Let them know that they are not alone. You say to pray in faith. Indeed, in faith we pray. In Jesus' name, Amen."

For more information see below -
Just how hungry?

With all my breaths I pray

There was a prayer I uttered some time ago that I would have the chance to talk about the Lord at my work. Aside from always praying at lunch and little things like not participating in Halloween, I never really felt like there was an open door for me to freely talk about the Lord... until yesterday.

It was just one of my co-workers but somehow we got onto the subject of life and family. I never share about my childhood (I mean who wants to talk about your mother leaving?) but yesterday I just felt like I needed to. It was brief but in the end I was talking about how though God allows heartache and trials, He never expects us to bear them alone. There is always a reason for everything and such things can make us stronger and closer to God.

I told her how I was okay to have just been raised by a dad. How I never missed anything because God somehow brought it about that we would still be a complete family. I don't regret the past but am thankful for it... because it has made me the person I am today.

I won't bore you with details but know that my life has never been roses and rainbows. Yet I don't mind. I'm perfectly fine the way my 19 years of life were spent. Except for the regret of not sharing the Gospel more to people and the times I did fail. But the Lord always gives us the opportunity to repent and start over.

It is because of His saving grace and mercy. It is because of His love, for indeed He first loved us when we were yet lost sinners and condemned. But Christ was moved with compassion and so came down from Heaven to pour His love on this world. It was unrequited love so many times but that didn't stop Him. He went to the cross for us and died for us because His love for us was that strong. It IS that strong. And that is exactly how I am able to endure any hardship that comes my way. Because I know that there is Someone watching over me; Someone who died for me 2,000 years ago on a cross. And I know that such trials are only opportunities to make me stronger.


I am so glad for the opportunity that I had to share a bit of my testimony. It wasn't much at all. In fact, I didn't quite even get to the part how I accepted Jesus into my life. But I showed her how a life with Jesus has indeed changed my life and made me to survive all the hardship of my yesterdays.

I see the glow and hope of her accepting Christ into her life. She is so quiet when it comes to such topics but each day I see her opening up more and more. Just little comments and actions, and I pray with all my breaths that she is not far from taking that leap of faith. May I see that day when it comes, for indeed I have faith. And I am excited.

My first ever!

98 Dodge Neon. At the end of the day, when all else seems to fail, I feel Him lift me up and bless me. Indeed, He is faithful to those who seek Him. He is faithful and He is wonderful. Thank you God for all you do. Alas, I know you are with me.


Let me introduce you to my first ever...

 

Blessed Misfortune??

I haven't shared much about my life but one could say I've had quite the ride recently. As some may know, I am enrolled to start classes at a local community college and am currently in a desperate search to find an economical and reliable car and yes... ashamed to say... acquire my license. But hey, who wouldn't procrastinate when you live two blocks from downtown and your work? Honestly, before school I never needed to commute anywhere. Yet alas I do now and I find time slipping from my fingers.

I've honestly begun to think it isn't the Lord's will for me to attend school. Perhaps I should consider online courses. At least for this semester. The thing I fear the most is living outside the Lord's will. I just want to do everything as soon as possible; start school, graduate, and ship myself across seas to do what I've always wanted to do... the only reason why I've even considered college.

MSF Doctors Without Borders seems so far away some days. Like it'll be another lifetime before I can live that dream. Perhaps I should forget the degree and instead save up and buy that airplane ticket now. I mean there's plenty of ministry organizations I could join, right? I start small. Maybe an orphanage. Join the little medical unit there and learn while on the job.

I could find people who are going to other devastating life-threatening places and hitch a ride with them. Within a year I could be doing what I've always wanted to do. I could be feeding the poor, cradling the crying babies. I could be laying hands on the sick and showing people the hope that lies with Jesus. I could be loving them like Jesus. Who honestly said I have to wait 4 years?

I'm so antsy I swear that if God wants me to stay here and do this college thing, then He might just have to hog tie me to this air mattress of a bed and pile a bunch of textbooks on top to hold me down.

I cried so hard today (laugh if you want but its true) when I started to wonder if I ever would be given the chance to go across seas. Today felt so hopeless as I realized that every single attempt I made to get my license and buy a car fell through to failure. From my sister's car breaking down in the middle of the test, to expenses piling up from nowhere, to being unable to arrange appointments and transportation to go see cars for sale, nothing has worked out.

Don't get me wrong I know that God has everything under control. I'm just afraid that I have completely misunderstood how God wants me to go about this. I'm terrified of living outside of God's will but sometimes I don't have the foggiest idea what that even is. In truth, are these misfortunes God's way of telling me I'm going the wrong way... or is the Devil in a desperate attempt to thwart me from what God wants me to do?

If it's the Devil then I will not be moved and I will be steadfast in pursuing this... but if this is all from God then all I want to do is give everything up and let Him take over.

Perhaps that is exactly what I need to do. If it's the Lord's will for me to get this license and a car and attend school then God will provide a way. I have proven that I am willing and I have tried everything to meet Him half way. Perhaps this was all a test and now all I have to do is fall in the arms of Jesus and watch Him work in my life. If I am not in God's will I vow to give up right now and let Him take the wheel. If it is... then He will work out everything.

I don't know if you guys even got this far in this post. It's so long and I'm sure by now your just sitting there with your eyes half closed skimming the words and grateful the end is in sight. Lol. I would be too. Just know that it doesn't matter how messed up your life seems. It doesn't matter how many times you've hit rock bottom. What matters is if you've let the Lord take over yet. What matters is if whether or not your still struggling at the wheel or if you've taken your foot off the pedal. What matters is if you've realized yet that the only way your getting through this is with God leading the way. Lets just say that is what I am learning everyday.

Truth in Cliche

Saw this on the web and had to post it. How cliche yet so true! Indeed, even I am guilty of being too impatient. My prince will come in God's timing.

Depends on my ears...

I saw this yesterday and laughed. Its so true and I think we often find ourselves only listening to what we WANT to hear. When God's will doesn't align with ours we often tune out not realizing that we are.
I have been guilty of this numerous times. Perhaps the humor in this photo will help us never forget to be sensitive to what the Lord has to say to us.

Many times His answer is "Wait". It has been for me so many times and all too often I jump the gun and mess everything up. He may fix everything and eventually come around to saying "Now go" but by then there will have been so much time wasted. Time that, if I would have only listened and waited, could be spent invested in what He has for me to do rather than fixing my early arrival.

Today, this week, this month, this YEAR, my goal is to wait on the Lord and be lead by His voice. I don't want to take my life into my own hands because every time I have the people I love the most get hurt. I get hurt and many times I've lost my opportunity entirely because of it. That little blessing that God was going to grant me now is no longer because I couldn't learn to wait. But I will now.

I will wait on Him. I will go when He tells me go. I will stop when He commands stop. I will take the path that He has set before me. Dare to take on the challenge of letting Him lead. Dare to close your eyes and see what places you will find yourself when you take His hand.

There is a world out there just beyond our fingertips and God has a special purpose for each one of us in it. He has written our life story and it is beautiful and amazing beyond our imagining. All we need do is follow Him. All we need do is accept His hand. All we need to is open our eyes and ears and heart and be ready for His bidding. Dare you to see what amazing things happen when we dare to listen? When we dare to follow?

Random Thoughts

So I realize that most people only read the main page of this blog. That's great and I am so thankful! If you ever bore with the posts here I also have been working on some other pages (some still need work) that you are more than welcome to check out.

On the right here as well, I have short devos or inspiring scriptures that I miyself have come to learn as I seek God more and more. Some are simply from Church services while others are what the Lord has shown me throughout random days.

Below and to the right of this pain page I also have a few links posted. The list grows longer as I discover more amazing faith based sites. If you have any you know please let me know. I would love to check them out and link to them.

One in particular is my favorite. Harvest Time is the name, and currently it is previewing a talented Christian Country artist on the rise. You can check that out here at - http://www.ourchurch.com/member/h/harvest_time/index.php?p=1_7_Music-Multi-media

Thanx everyone so much for reading and commenting. It truly is so encouraging. I love writing to you all and am so glad I have people to share my experiences with as I grow deeper in the Lord.

God bless!

Love me

Love me - JJ Heller

If you haven't heard this song you should check it out. I've always liked it but today when hearing it on the radio at work, it really hit hard and I saw it in a totally different way. This is the boy who doesn't know he has a Father who loves him. It's the mother who doesn't know she isn't alone. It's the man behind bars who can't see his second chance. It's the orphan who doesn't know he has a family eager to welcome him with open arms. These are the people who cry to the deafening silence with no reply. But Someone does hear them. Someone does love them.

Wounds of the Children - A Voice for the Voiceless

So I'm not entirely sure why my heart has been so set on children recently, but i just cant get them out of my head. This particular issue I'll share with you has been on my mind for nigh a week and my greatest regret is not posting it sooner. Thus, this week i vow to dedicate my time to praying for the children of China.

All across this over populated country children have been violently attacked throughout the schools and many even killed. Complete strangers will just walk in during school hours and throw around, kick and even stab these innocent kids for no reason. Many times the predators will kill themselves afterwards while no explanation is given as to why this sudden outburst of violence. If they are caught alive, their punishments remain mostly moderate if brought to justice at all.

I can't even begin to understand why God would allow this but I know that there is a reason for everything. Satan is the prince of this world and everyday we witness horrible things happen. Perhaps such things happen so that we might as God's people stand up and do something about it. Perhaps it is a motivation to leave our comfort zone and comfort the inflicted. We are not on this earth for our own pleasure nor to enjoy a comfortable and carefree life. Our mission is to be ambassadors for Christ. It is our duty to love this world and be that Good Samaritan and help the brokenhearted and wounded. It is our calling to give of ourselves so that we might help save the life of another and bring them to know Christ.

What stops us therefore then, from lifting up a prayer to our heavenly for these poor children? Many know not God or how to pray. Many can't see the light of hope but we do through Jesus. Therefore let us meet with the Lord this day for them and request His saving grace. These children do not have a voice to cry out but we do! Let us be a voice for the voiceless!

For more information on whats happening in China see below -

Six Children Killed 
Nursery School Attack 
Teachers Too? 

(I do realize that there are some good schools still for children in China. But at the moment too many are unsafe and insecure for us to just ignore.)

Letting Him be real

Check this page out - Is Christ Real To You?

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." John 20:29

Very true!