That Which Is From Above

"But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.

"And the fruit of righteousness is shown in peace of them that make peace."

James 3:17-18 KJV

Let us not seek earthly wisdom to further our own prosperity, but let us seek the wisdom that comes from above to further the Kingdom of God. For in the end this world and everything material will fade away. What is eternal is salvation. Let us therefore sow our time and resources into what will last. This wisdom from above cannot be obtained through earthly measures, but through the Spirit of the Lord. Let us therefore strive everyday to be more like Him, to think more like Him, to love more like Him, and to live more like Him. Let us strive to have the heart and mind of God.

Trials as blessings

The valley sits in a haze as fires ignite everywhere. Smoke settles as low as the treetops, thick as cotton, hiding the light of the sun from even the keenest eye. Everyone was so happy for the skip of springs showers, yet unknown to all was the great price we were to pay for it. It seems as dusk in the middle of the day.

How many times do we fear the storms in our own life? How often do we despair at even the smallest trials? As one band put it, "Cuz' the pain that you've been feeling / Is just the dark before the morning". How difficult would it be to recognize the blessings in our life, if we did not experience trials and heartbreak? Perhaps they are a reminder, adjusting our perspective, to see how great the little joys are in life. Perhaps they themselves are blessings in disguise, allowing us to truly appreciate a happy moment, a blessed moment, a moment of opportunity when they arise.

Count your trials as blessings and hardships as reminders. Without them there would be no contrast to illuminate the great times, and life would then fade into a mundane, monotonous rhythm.

I had a dream

I saw the face of Jesus.

It was dark outside, and cold. Snow swept across the fogging windshield and piled around the already buried tires. No doubt, like last year, I had never gotten around to putting on winter tires. To add to my frustration the engine was sputtering out as well.

There was a glow from a house close by, and a stream of thick smoking lifting into the night sky. My sister and I hesitated, but finally we decided to trudge through the knee high snow and knock on the door. A woman appeared in the doorway. I don't recall for sure, but I believe she wore an apron and had something cooking on the stove. To say the least it was a warm, cozy place, and with open arms they welcomed us in.

They were a sweet couple. They offered us a cup of hot something, and a place to sleep. The next morning we awoke, and from there it blurred for a bit. We must have stayed for a couple days because we got to know them fairly well. It was through one of our conversations around the fireplace when they brought up the rumors of the traveling train.

There had been several accounts of a man, many whom claimed was Jesus, passing through from town to town along the railroad. The accounts all said children accompanied Him, and that wherever He visited many had believed on the Lord, giving their life to Jesus. It was then they told us that He would be passing through that town in just a few short days. Obviously there was no exact schedule, but the rumors claimed His next destination was there.

A few mornings later news spread that He would be arriving in a few short hours. Alina and I were skeptical, yet curious. Bundled up in borrowed boots, jackets, hats and scarves, we made our way to the train station. There was a small crowd gathering, whispering to one another in anticipation. We all had the same question in mind. Who was this man whom touched the hearts and inspired so many people? Who was this man whom they called Jesus?

It first came as a small light, flickering off in the distance. As it grew closer, the light brightened and lit up the sky. The engine rumbled, smoke bellowed high, and the rhythmic grind of the gears. What surprised us all was the sound of laughter. Child laughter, starting out faint and barely audible and growing louder.

Before we knew it, the train was hauling in right beside us. Odd as it may sound, the cars had no roofs, and thus were exposed to the weather. Yet no one appeared cold. There were children everywhere, and suddenly just being in there midst made one bubble up in laughter and joy.

We ran along with the train until it came to a complete stop. When it did, I climbed up the side of one car and found myself looking right into the face of the man whom everyone called Jesus. In an instant I knew that all the rumors were true. I was looking right into the eyes of the Son of God. I saw His love. I saw Him looking at me, and I crumbled from the intensity of His love for me, and I cried. My whole body shook. In that moment I was overwhelmed in His presence.

He was surrounded by little children of all ages. He wore no fancy robes. He wore no crown of jewels. He was dressed quite simple. He was clean shaven save something of a three day stubble. His hair was brown, curly locks. His eyes I cannot put into words. Imagine a light hue, almost the color of blue and like glass. When He looked at you He looked into your soul. All knowing, yet entirely and altogether loving. I cannot explain this love that I felt, but when He set His gaze on me I felt so comforted, so rejuvenated, so full of hope, and so loved. I didn't want to let Him go. I understood in that moment what true unconditional love was. And his smile. He smiled at me. After seeing beyond the walls I had built up over the years, after seeing and acknowledging every hidden secret within my heart, after beholding my dirty and blemished soul, He smiled at me.

What is in a smile? I tell you, I cannot know save the smile of Jesus Christ. He did not condemn me. He loved me. He greeted me like I meant everything to Him. That was how He greeted everyone. It reminded me of that verse,

"For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved." John 3:17 KJV

He didn't say much, but this one thing I remember well. I don't recall the exact words, but one thing He kept repeating over and over was, “Trace my image and share it with the world.”

I told Him I did not understand. I told Him I had a sore hand for art, and that I could never do His glory justice. He only replied with the same request. I understand now that He did not mean literally draw His face, but rather share to the world the image of who He was and what He had done. I finally told Him I would. (This is me trying.)

The train had to pull out not long after that, and I begged Him to stay. I clung to Him, and nigh willed Him to remain, but He said He must continue. I begged to follow Him. I did not want to ever leave His side again. He was suddenly all I cared to live for. But in a still, small voice He told me to stay and pursue the calling He had given me. It reminded me of the man whom Jesus delivered from the demons when He crossed the sea of Galilee. The man begged to follow Jesus, but Christ commanded him to stay and go and share with the town what the Lord had done.

"And when he was come into the ship, he that had been possessed with the devil prayed him that he might be with him. 

"Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee.

^"And he departed, and began to publish in Decapolis how great things Jesus had done for him: and all men did marvel."

Mark 5:18-20

I was not on that train when it pulled out. I remained behind. This truly applies to me in real life because for a long time I have been restless to go and do God's work in other countries right now. There have been nights where I could not sleep and would do anything to leave everything behind and just go. I have had really no patience to wait on the Lord's timing. But in that dream, when He told me to stay behind, I know that He was referring to me remaining here in the Flathead Valley and continuing school, being a witness here for Him.

When the engine began to rumble and smoke bellow out, I asked Jesus in my dream to let me look at His face once more. To gaze into His beautiful countenance, and behold His pure, innocent yet powerful glory. Pure love. Unconditional. Pure joy. I have never felt anything like it before.

I had cried when I looked into his face. Tears not of sadness, but an overwhelming of peace. I cried when I later rejoined the crowds and tried to tell them what I saw. I cried when I awoke this morning and discovered this all a dream. I cried when I realized that God did indeed care enough to visit me in a dream, JUST to tell me that He loved me, that He knew all I had and was currently going through, and to tell me He heard every prayer. He had been just as excited and anxious to meet me as I was to see Him. To show Himself unto me after all these years. He had seen my blind faith, and He at last manifested a small portion of Himself. I will forever remember that night.

Too often we think that because God does not come storming through and presenting His full majesty for us to behold, performing astounding miracles in our lives, that He must not see us or care for us. We think that God must not love us because He does not manifest himself to us. We think He doesn't care because He allows tragedies to befall us. We tend to think that we are too blemished for Him to care to love us or forgive us. We are so quick to condemn ourselves. But let me tell you this. To everyone who desires a relationship and reconciliation with Jesus Christ, He does not condemn you, but loves and cherishes you. He rejoices over you, and He is smiling on you right now though you cannot see Him. He hears you. I can vouch for that.

I looked on the internet about images of Jesus. Numerous life accounts poured through Google search, and everyone exclaimed over and over about His eyes and love. They claimed he had light eyes, some thought green and others blue. I personally believe they are a color no man can recognize, yet our mind struggles to tag a color our simple minds know.

I am positive with no doubt that I saw Jesus. I know it, and this I will cherish. I can hardly wait to see Him again in Heaven, and I desperately hope I have the most blessed opportunity to see Him again before then.

 "That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, 

"May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; 

"And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God."

Ephesians 3:17-19 KJV

Suicidal Deer

I can hardly wait for school to start! I just picked up my books today, and am reminded how blessed I am to have received financial aid. The total was over $800! Truly God has helped me through all of this. I could not have done this without Him, and the people He has moved to support me.

I am reminded of my first semester of college and how scary yet exciting it was. One class in particular - public speaking - I was terrified to take. Yet in the end it was truly one of my favorites. Here is just one of the many speeches I had to give.

_________________

   It's 8:00 at night and the moon starts to rise just above the tree line. It's Christmas Eve and anxiously Billy heads home to his family. Over the frozen pavement his headlights beam, showing him the way. Intently he watches for black ice.

   Suddenly out of the middle of nowhere something leaps from the dense woods and onto the highway only several feet from his Dodge. It's a deer and steadfast it remains, its feet planted firmly in the middle of the road. Grabbing the wheel with both hands Billy steadies the vehicle and prepares for the collision. Of all days to hit a deer.

   We all experience a version of this sometime in our driving career. Perhaps we manage to swerve out of the way or break just in time. Perhaps we hit it instead and total our cars, sending us or a friend to the hospital. Living in a rural state such as Montana we are bound to find ourselves in some sort of wildlife accident.

   How can we stop this? How can we solve this ongoing issue? Every year, we spend $1 billion solely to vehicle damage. 10,000 people are seriously injured and 150 killed due to deer collisions in the US. Montana alone ranks #5 in the top states for such accidents.

   We need to put an end to this. The solution is simple. No deer near the highways, no more hits. As one sign posted along a back road, “Suicidal deer. Please drive slowly,” such cautions would no longer exist.

   Imagine how much safer we would feel driving down the roads at night. We wouldn't have to worry about our loved ones tangling with a buck leaping from the shadows. We wouldn't have to pay all those medical bills fixing our broken bodies because we swerved and flipped our car. We wouldn't have to spend $1 billion at the autobody and mechanic shop. We could drive confidently and at ease. Our only problem left would be drunk drivers!

   So let's take care of this! How? We all know deer hate the hunting season. They run at the crack of a shotgun. They hide deep in the forests, watching for the bright color of hunter orange. So send your cars for a paint job and upgrade your horn to the sound of a 30 out 6. Who says we have to stand for this nonsense?

Bias in the News

Bias opinions influence the media and news tremendously in today's society, victimizing minority groups, the elderly, young adult, even whole countries in the name of free will and freedom of speech. Their literal goal is to shepherd their audience into conforming their opinions into agreement with their own. In the news, such bias reporting can negatively influence and distort the actual story, and that is why it is so important for people to be on their guard when listening to the news and media.

According to a Wikipedia article (2014) titled "Media Bias in the Unites States", in the 19th century, “News reporting was expected to be relatively neutral or at least factual, whereas editorial sections openly relayed the opinions of the publisher. Editorials might also have been accompanied by editorial cartoons, which would frequently lampoon the publisher's opponents.”

To this day, editorials continue to take on a more personally biased approach, but the news as well has become similar in reporting their stories. Such forms of persuasion might take that of liberal, conservative, mainstream or corporate bias.

It becomes clear that certain boundaries or limits must be installed in order for the truth to be preserved. Such organizations like FAIR (Fairness & Accuracy In Reporting, Inc.) and Media Matters for America, are just two of these groups focused on protecting the public interest, minority and dissenting viewpoints

When strong bias do seem to slip past surveillance it is groups like hispanics, poor African neighborhoods, youth and the elderly that are targeted. Countless stories arise with negative opinions concerning certain races and age groups, like the immigration of Mexicans crossing the border, the all too common unmotivated high school graduate, those dependent on food stamps, and even the tension between the Palestinians and Israelis.

We are surrounded by such controversial reports as these. The task to seek unbiased, unmasked, raw news becomes more difficult with each passing generation. The line becomes blurred as to what is an expression of freedom of speech and what is false reporting. It shouldn't be a chore of the general public's to have to regularly critique the news we hear. As in the 19th century, there should be a difference between an editorial and news report, and the minority groups and those more vulnerable should be protected somehow from the continual cliche criticism they receive.

Imagine a world where bias opinions no longer existed. We could trust news sources full heartedly, knowing that there service was not an attempt to persuade us but inform us. We could actually believe what they said, displacing our skeptical minds for educated and knowledgeable minds. We would have the right to form our own opinions about the world, free from anyone telling us what we should think. A world without bias, or perhaps more obtainable, a news system with neutral views would be the preferable, most beneficial, most American approach to reporting. After all, isn't the golden promise of the United States is that of free will and independent opinion? Such cannot be obtained if we are continually influenced by the professional sources we are told we can trust.

We are faced with a dilemma however, as we do not live in a bias free world. To say that we will not eventually obtain such is unknown to us, but what we can know is what we will do about it. We the people of the United States have a voice. The general public is the United States. If we made an effort to avoid bias in our own lives, on a smaller scale, perhaps we could start to bring about a neutral medium to everyday life in America. It starts with you and me making a difference in the small things. We may not control the big shot news companies, but we can control our tongue. It is not to say one cannot voice their personal opinions, but when doing so make it clear that they are one's own, and never distort the truth. If one truly believes a certain way, one should not have to rely on false representation in order to convince their audience.

Restlessness

I have been growing restless again for minsitry. It's been nigh four years, and I feel I might break. Call me crazy, but I can't stop thinking about Mexico. I remember the life there. We didn't know many times what the next day would hold. We went where the Lord lead. We met people of all walks of life. Some were devout Christians, with the same stirring for ministry as us, others were back slidden, needing motivation and a revival in their hearts. Some had never even heard of the name of Jesus. We slept where they slept, wept when they wept, and rejoiced when they rejoiced. We grew together in Christ. We gained much, and we lost much.

Since Mexico, I have struggled to live a routine life. I am not used to planning months into my future. I am restless. I am reminded of those still suffering, those still hungry. I know I am preparing myself for eventually going across seas, and serving in the medical field, but I grow anxious to help and do something now. I'm afraid to step out on my own, but I am more afraid of doing nothing. I must do something.

The world can't wait for us to be good and ready. Everyday, everyone is one more day closer to death. Everyday, is one day closer to Christ's coming. And though we look forward to that day with exceeding joy, there are still those who have not heard of the Gospel. How can we sit idly by knowing the lost walk among us?

Yes, one can reach out in ministry to the local communities. Yes. There are ministry opportunities left and right, right here in Montana. But what about those beyond our borders? What about those forgotten? They are dismissed too often with the excuse that another will reach out to them. There are the few that do. Why can't I be that person? God has given me this restlessness for a reason.
I vow to go where the Lord leadeth, but I pray He leadeth me to venture beyond my borders.

God is GOOD

God is so good! How often we hear those words, yet think nothing of it. Yesterday, those words came to life. God has blessed me so much I am losing count of them all. Lol. No I didn't win the lottery, and no I wasn't given a 2014 Jaguar. The Lord has blessed me with opportunities to serve, with a clearer understanding of His word, with a growing passion to be like Him, and love the world as He does.

In addition, I received an award letter from a scholarship. It truly came just in time, for my bills was going to be cutting into the negative. With that scholarship I have less then fifty dollars to pay for tuition this semester. See, God does come through when we take that leap of faith, and choose to follow Him.

It is through the times of testing and trials where we see His power the most. When we choose to let go, it is then He can move mountains in our lives. When we give Him the wheel, like that one song by Carrie Underwood, it is then that He will take control and show us the way. We can rest assured that under His wings we shall never be desolate. Take heart and never give up, for in the footsteps of the Almighty will we find victory. God IS good!

To trust

Those who trust in the Lord shall never be moved. Trust. It is what God has been teaching me lately. I guess I am starting to realize that. As much as I do trust in God, there are so many times when I don't. Many times I rely on myself, taking control of my life, and forgetting to seek His will. I believe the lie that I know better than He, and that even if I should follow through with something that I know I shouldn't, I think the consequences won't be so terrible. Well let me tell you, the Lord has been graciously merciful to me.

I want to seek Him more. I want to worship Him more. I want to put Him in the forefront of my daily life. I want to trust Him more. I want to have no fear or worry.

I recall asking Him to teach me patience, and give me more faith. Well, we all know that God does not just GIVE us those things. He puts us in situations that will cause us to exercise those things, and ultimately strengthening us. Thus perhaps my car dilemma - the fact that I always tend to break down right in the middle of the road during rush hour - is but a small way in which He has given me an opportunity to have more faith and patience.

I admit, I have not always been strong, but God is faithful and ever gracious. I know that I can hope in Him even when I cannot see the hope of tomorrow. You would think I would have learned that by now, but alas, I find that I have not. In truth, it is through the tragedies and hardship when I see His face. For He makes Himself known to me in the deepest valleys, when I am at my lowest. When I am the weakest, THAT is when I see He is the strongest.

With this renewed hope, I know I can rejoice in the face of danger and misfortune. I can rejoice because even in the darkest of times God is in control. Gloria a Dios!

Strangely at Peace

That moment when you find yourself overwhelmed with so much to do and never enough time. That moment when a sudden rush of fear comes over you that you are losing money left and right. To the world, I am in way over my head. But when I seek the face of the Lord, I find that all I want to do is worship Him. I want to dwell in His presence, and suddenly that overwhelming burden of fear and worry lifts from my shoulders. I am strangely at peace. I look ahead with a smile and high hopes. Jesus is amazing!

Invisibly

God has been working amazingly in my life. Everything from blessing me with true friends and a loving family, to giving me the opportunity and way to pursue this calling of nursing, to just encouraging me and motivating me to continue in His will.

I went to a luncheon today at the community college I attend. It was to honor the many donors of scholarships as well as congratulate the recipient students. I was blessed enough to be one. I was nervous at first, but soon that subsided as it was replaced with a kindling fire and assurance that I was doing what God wanted me to do. I witnessed countless donors and students who publicly professed their Faith. I had the opportunity to meet my supporters. I enjoyed a wonderful lunch (with pumpkin cheesecake as a dessert).

This day. This week. This year has truly been blessed. Yet now is the week upon us where many children don their costumes and trick or treat. So much darkness is in this time of year. Most people do not see it because it is subtle. Yet through and through not all take October 31 as just a fun filled day. Many take it to a serious occult level.

God has weighed it heavily on my heart to pray for this nation... To pray globally over this day and the children and families. May God's presence be evident and His power be at work today as this spiritual battle is being fought invisibly around us. Unknown to the eye yet ever amongst us.

A total of 700

Amazing Youth Conference in Great Falls this weekend. God moved mountains. A total of 700 people. Looking forward to next year already! =)

Gloria a Dios!

Praise God! From the highest mountains to the deepest seas, let us lift our voices in adoration to our King! He has blessed me so much. From gifting me with a scholarship to cover yet more of my college tuition, to giving me so many great friends, to indeed being my comforter in every hardship. The Lord Jehovah is in truth, the Father of love, mercy, compassion, and power. And so much more!

My car died several times today. It couldn't hold an idle for more than a second; which is not near enough to pull the gear from park into drive. The devil truly is using every trick up his sleeve to discourage me, and to keep me from pursuing the calling God has set for me. But the enemy will not win. I will not back down. God has given me an assignment to serve across seas and I will not 'throw in the towel'. I will not let God or those overseas be disappointed.

There will come a day when I will pass all these obstacles and look back on the path which I struggled. I will know that the trials were worth it. I will be amazed at God's grace in guiding me. I will worship Him for all He has done. And thus, I shall worship Him even now. Gloria a Dios!

A New Person

God is so good! But of course you all already know that. =)

It hasn't been all rainbows and daisies recently, but the Lord is faithful. Despite all that I struggle with I see Him working in amazing ways, behind the scenes. He has become so much apart of my daily activities. He has His foot in everything I do and I love it! I want to include Him. No longer do I feel His presence only at church, but in every single aspect of my life.

He is healing me from the inside out. He is blessing me. He is giving me the strength to endure the trials I face everyday. In fact, despite all the heartache of I am dealing with I have to say that this season has been great! It has been blessed! I will remember these days as a paradise. Why? Not because of what the world has thrown at me, but because of how God has been working in my life... in my heart. I feel like a completely new person! And I am so excited to share it with you all!

Unexplained Change

First off I just want to apologize for not writing sooner. God has been working in my life in ways I never would have imagined. To list them all here would be to write a book.

As you may have noticed I have been waiting two weeks to update Voice for the Voiceless rather than only one. At first I must admit it was out of procrastination but now I feel the Lord leading me to continue to pray even longer, for the children and their families who die from hunger, for instance, every year. All I can think about is their skin and bones and weeping faces and frightened eyes and loss of hope that seem to scream from the pictures I find online.

I can't help but want to hold them in my arms and whisper to them about Jesus and His love. To tell them that He is watching them and wiping away their tears and weeping when they weep and indeed rejoicing when they are happy. I want so desperately to hear the sound of their carefree giggles and hearty laughs. To see the smile in their eyes. I want to love them like Jesus. In short, I am dedicating yet another week to "Endless Hunger".

In addition to that, I at last started my first day of college. Public Speaking was the class and I have a feeling that I will enjoy it immensely. I still can't believe that I am finally beginning this journey to pursue my dream. I only wish it didn't have to take so long. Four years seems like centuries when you know that people are dying everyday. It's so hard for me to be happy without feeling guilty inside. Here I laugh while they cry. Perhaps such is the reason I find myself awkwardly crying in randoms moments of the day.

Call me emotional but all my life it was so easy for me to weep selfish tears. It came so easily when someone hurt my feelings. Yet now, today, I couldn't shed a tear. I was at a lost until suddenly the Lord reminded me of the hurting children from across seas. Thinking of their pain caused me to cry endlessly. I didn't even know why but it ached so deep inside, and I could literally feel their burdens and sorrow. It took everything inside me to keep from jumping a plane at that moment and shipping myself off to some unnamed country. Indeed, I find it slightly frightening the way the Lord is working in my life and heart.

Yet perhaps it is OK if it gives me the drive and motivation to run after this calling, if it keeps me focused on the Lord's will for my life, then I don't mind it. I am thankful. I am thankful for how much the Lord has been changing me. Now I hear Him tell me that He wants to bless me.

He says that I am "ready". That the "time is here". Yet time for what? I don't understand but I feel Him smile. I am so glad that Jesus is so alive in my life. I only wish I could live my calling today. Right now. I know the day will come and these such weekly prayers are the only thing that holds me together while I wait for me to be ready. May I live to be everything that God has planned for me and nothing more. 

And bless those children who do hunger. Their pain is in my heart always.

With all my breaths I pray

There was a prayer I uttered some time ago that I would have the chance to talk about the Lord at my work. Aside from always praying at lunch and little things like not participating in Halloween, I never really felt like there was an open door for me to freely talk about the Lord... until yesterday.

It was just one of my co-workers but somehow we got onto the subject of life and family. I never share about my childhood (I mean who wants to talk about your mother leaving?) but yesterday I just felt like I needed to. It was brief but in the end I was talking about how though God allows heartache and trials, He never expects us to bear them alone. There is always a reason for everything and such things can make us stronger and closer to God.

I told her how I was okay to have just been raised by a dad. How I never missed anything because God somehow brought it about that we would still be a complete family. I don't regret the past but am thankful for it... because it has made me the person I am today.

I won't bore you with details but know that my life has never been roses and rainbows. Yet I don't mind. I'm perfectly fine the way my 19 years of life were spent. Except for the regret of not sharing the Gospel more to people and the times I did fail. But the Lord always gives us the opportunity to repent and start over.

It is because of His saving grace and mercy. It is because of His love, for indeed He first loved us when we were yet lost sinners and condemned. But Christ was moved with compassion and so came down from Heaven to pour His love on this world. It was unrequited love so many times but that didn't stop Him. He went to the cross for us and died for us because His love for us was that strong. It IS that strong. And that is exactly how I am able to endure any hardship that comes my way. Because I know that there is Someone watching over me; Someone who died for me 2,000 years ago on a cross. And I know that such trials are only opportunities to make me stronger.


I am so glad for the opportunity that I had to share a bit of my testimony. It wasn't much at all. In fact, I didn't quite even get to the part how I accepted Jesus into my life. But I showed her how a life with Jesus has indeed changed my life and made me to survive all the hardship of my yesterdays.

I see the glow and hope of her accepting Christ into her life. She is so quiet when it comes to such topics but each day I see her opening up more and more. Just little comments and actions, and I pray with all my breaths that she is not far from taking that leap of faith. May I see that day when it comes, for indeed I have faith. And I am excited.

Blessed Misfortune??

I haven't shared much about my life but one could say I've had quite the ride recently. As some may know, I am enrolled to start classes at a local community college and am currently in a desperate search to find an economical and reliable car and yes... ashamed to say... acquire my license. But hey, who wouldn't procrastinate when you live two blocks from downtown and your work? Honestly, before school I never needed to commute anywhere. Yet alas I do now and I find time slipping from my fingers.

I've honestly begun to think it isn't the Lord's will for me to attend school. Perhaps I should consider online courses. At least for this semester. The thing I fear the most is living outside the Lord's will. I just want to do everything as soon as possible; start school, graduate, and ship myself across seas to do what I've always wanted to do... the only reason why I've even considered college.

MSF Doctors Without Borders seems so far away some days. Like it'll be another lifetime before I can live that dream. Perhaps I should forget the degree and instead save up and buy that airplane ticket now. I mean there's plenty of ministry organizations I could join, right? I start small. Maybe an orphanage. Join the little medical unit there and learn while on the job.

I could find people who are going to other devastating life-threatening places and hitch a ride with them. Within a year I could be doing what I've always wanted to do. I could be feeding the poor, cradling the crying babies. I could be laying hands on the sick and showing people the hope that lies with Jesus. I could be loving them like Jesus. Who honestly said I have to wait 4 years?

I'm so antsy I swear that if God wants me to stay here and do this college thing, then He might just have to hog tie me to this air mattress of a bed and pile a bunch of textbooks on top to hold me down.

I cried so hard today (laugh if you want but its true) when I started to wonder if I ever would be given the chance to go across seas. Today felt so hopeless as I realized that every single attempt I made to get my license and buy a car fell through to failure. From my sister's car breaking down in the middle of the test, to expenses piling up from nowhere, to being unable to arrange appointments and transportation to go see cars for sale, nothing has worked out.

Don't get me wrong I know that God has everything under control. I'm just afraid that I have completely misunderstood how God wants me to go about this. I'm terrified of living outside of God's will but sometimes I don't have the foggiest idea what that even is. In truth, are these misfortunes God's way of telling me I'm going the wrong way... or is the Devil in a desperate attempt to thwart me from what God wants me to do?

If it's the Devil then I will not be moved and I will be steadfast in pursuing this... but if this is all from God then all I want to do is give everything up and let Him take over.

Perhaps that is exactly what I need to do. If it's the Lord's will for me to get this license and a car and attend school then God will provide a way. I have proven that I am willing and I have tried everything to meet Him half way. Perhaps this was all a test and now all I have to do is fall in the arms of Jesus and watch Him work in my life. If I am not in God's will I vow to give up right now and let Him take the wheel. If it is... then He will work out everything.

I don't know if you guys even got this far in this post. It's so long and I'm sure by now your just sitting there with your eyes half closed skimming the words and grateful the end is in sight. Lol. I would be too. Just know that it doesn't matter how messed up your life seems. It doesn't matter how many times you've hit rock bottom. What matters is if you've let the Lord take over yet. What matters is if whether or not your still struggling at the wheel or if you've taken your foot off the pedal. What matters is if you've realized yet that the only way your getting through this is with God leading the way. Lets just say that is what I am learning everyday.

Depends on my ears...

I saw this yesterday and laughed. Its so true and I think we often find ourselves only listening to what we WANT to hear. When God's will doesn't align with ours we often tune out not realizing that we are.
I have been guilty of this numerous times. Perhaps the humor in this photo will help us never forget to be sensitive to what the Lord has to say to us.

Many times His answer is "Wait". It has been for me so many times and all too often I jump the gun and mess everything up. He may fix everything and eventually come around to saying "Now go" but by then there will have been so much time wasted. Time that, if I would have only listened and waited, could be spent invested in what He has for me to do rather than fixing my early arrival.

Today, this week, this month, this YEAR, my goal is to wait on the Lord and be lead by His voice. I don't want to take my life into my own hands because every time I have the people I love the most get hurt. I get hurt and many times I've lost my opportunity entirely because of it. That little blessing that God was going to grant me now is no longer because I couldn't learn to wait. But I will now.

I will wait on Him. I will go when He tells me go. I will stop when He commands stop. I will take the path that He has set before me. Dare to take on the challenge of letting Him lead. Dare to close your eyes and see what places you will find yourself when you take His hand.

There is a world out there just beyond our fingertips and God has a special purpose for each one of us in it. He has written our life story and it is beautiful and amazing beyond our imagining. All we need do is follow Him. All we need do is accept His hand. All we need to is open our eyes and ears and heart and be ready for His bidding. Dare you to see what amazing things happen when we dare to listen? When we dare to follow?

When He prayed for us...

"I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. 

"They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.

 "Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. 

"As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world. 

"And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.

"Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;"

John 17:15-20 KJV

Many people know this chapter as the passage where Jesus prayed unto His Father concerning the Church. Laced within every phrase is Christ's love for us manifested. He was on His way to Calvary and despite the little time before Him, He took the time to pray for us.

Imagine the prayers He speaks to the Father now? Even as He sits on the right hand of God, in full glory and majesty, still He hears us and sees our struggles. He prays not for us to be relieved from the pain and sorrow of this world, but for us to be delivered from the evil of it (vrs 15). We are His children and the sheep of His pasture. He has sent us into this world but not that we should be swallowed by it. For we are not of this world - we are of His Kingdom - only ambassadors of the Gospel of peace.

We are to be sanctified through the Truth. And what is that Truth? The Word of God. Let us therefore be sanctified through His Word. Abiding in His Word. Taking it to heart and letting it change our lives. Strengthening us and equipping us for the task at hand; to share the Gospel to all we meet. To seek out the chosen and show them the way to Christ, to life eternal.

Christ did not pray for our deliverance from heartache, but rather as He was on His way to Calvary, He prayed for us to be strengthened. He prayed for us to be courageous, to carry on the mission that Jesus Himself had begun... in bringing the Gospel to all. Even unto the ends of the earth.

Random Thoughts

Summer is indeed coming quicker than a fat mouse can run to the cheddar (cheesy analogy I know; no pun intended). But I am so ready for these warm months. My favorite season of the year is almost here! And what's to spin it off? Indian Youth Camp!
Based from the camp in Hungry Horse we bus in Native Americans from all the reservations in Montana. From Rocky Boy, to Browning, to Fort Peck and Crow, we house hundreds of people. For the third year, my sister and I will be volunteering as Room Staff. I am so excited. And we head out this Sunday! May God keep everyone safe as we prepare for five days of adventurous, crazy, fun; bringing the love of God to all present.
Aside from that, work is picking up like there's no tomorrow. You know those folks who slip in the door seconds before you can turn the lock? Yep. The first of many. But I'm ready. I only pity my boss for my absence for a whole week. May our merciful Lord be with her.
To top this random post I suppose I should mention my sister in the kitchen admiring the art of onions going bad. But don't be worried. There's no mold (thank goodness) and this is just one of my sister's attributes that makes her original. Lol. I should probably go help her make dinner.

A voice to the voiceless

So the previous post, you might have been curious as to what I was specifically talking about. Curious? Well, I dare say... I'll remain silent on the matter. Lol But I will dare to share some other bit of great news.
Over the past few months - or rather since last fall - I have been quietly contemplating the idea of going to school again. I had always loved studying but was afraid I would be wasting time in a four walled room when I could be spending it out and doing something. It took me a long time to finally realize that in order to do what God had called me to, I needed to attend college and be trained. In what you might say?
Have you ever heard of Doctors Without Borders? In short, it's an independent organization of well trained medical staff who travel oversea to aid those who are less fortunate. Anyone from victims of natural or man-made disasters, to the ill fallen of plagues and diseases, to the casualties of war to pretty much anyone else who are neglected. They address the governments and other social organizations to help the needy of their country and ultimately be the voice for the voiceless. With the help of God they can give the inflicted hope... hope for another day and hope for many more days after that. If you are interested in reading more, you can visit their site at: http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/
I too have always wanted to help the most needed. Those who no one else would help. I didn't care about the danger (though I would be careful, such a trivial thing never mattered to me). Honestly, how could I live so comfortably in America when people struggle to survive everyday in other countries?
After much praying the Lord at last revealed the plans He had for my future. Plans that involved Doctors Without Borders. He showed me small glimpses of what He wanted me to do and where He wanted me to be; a short picture of what He had in store for me, and such was enough. Before I knew it, I was sending in my application for admission and writing essays for scholarships. So now as I await my eligibility for school grants, I prepare for the coming adventure ahead.
I know I cannot afford this next step. I could not even afford a month of the schooling I need, but God will provide a way. He always does even if it be at the eleventh hour. I'm happy because I get to trust in Him, knowing I am finally beginning the journey of my life long dream. If only it could happen sooner. Lol

All I can think of is when I finally get to board that plane and travel across seas. When I finally get to carry the hurting children. When I finally get to hold the hand of the elderly. When I will finally look into their faces and smile and tell them there is hope. When I get to tell them that their cry was heard. When I get to tell them about Jesus. That day I eagerly await for.