Blessed Misfortune??

I haven't shared much about my life but one could say I've had quite the ride recently. As some may know, I am enrolled to start classes at a local community college and am currently in a desperate search to find an economical and reliable car and yes... ashamed to say... acquire my license. But hey, who wouldn't procrastinate when you live two blocks from downtown and your work? Honestly, before school I never needed to commute anywhere. Yet alas I do now and I find time slipping from my fingers.

I've honestly begun to think it isn't the Lord's will for me to attend school. Perhaps I should consider online courses. At least for this semester. The thing I fear the most is living outside the Lord's will. I just want to do everything as soon as possible; start school, graduate, and ship myself across seas to do what I've always wanted to do... the only reason why I've even considered college.

MSF Doctors Without Borders seems so far away some days. Like it'll be another lifetime before I can live that dream. Perhaps I should forget the degree and instead save up and buy that airplane ticket now. I mean there's plenty of ministry organizations I could join, right? I start small. Maybe an orphanage. Join the little medical unit there and learn while on the job.

I could find people who are going to other devastating life-threatening places and hitch a ride with them. Within a year I could be doing what I've always wanted to do. I could be feeding the poor, cradling the crying babies. I could be laying hands on the sick and showing people the hope that lies with Jesus. I could be loving them like Jesus. Who honestly said I have to wait 4 years?

I'm so antsy I swear that if God wants me to stay here and do this college thing, then He might just have to hog tie me to this air mattress of a bed and pile a bunch of textbooks on top to hold me down.

I cried so hard today (laugh if you want but its true) when I started to wonder if I ever would be given the chance to go across seas. Today felt so hopeless as I realized that every single attempt I made to get my license and buy a car fell through to failure. From my sister's car breaking down in the middle of the test, to expenses piling up from nowhere, to being unable to arrange appointments and transportation to go see cars for sale, nothing has worked out.

Don't get me wrong I know that God has everything under control. I'm just afraid that I have completely misunderstood how God wants me to go about this. I'm terrified of living outside of God's will but sometimes I don't have the foggiest idea what that even is. In truth, are these misfortunes God's way of telling me I'm going the wrong way... or is the Devil in a desperate attempt to thwart me from what God wants me to do?

If it's the Devil then I will not be moved and I will be steadfast in pursuing this... but if this is all from God then all I want to do is give everything up and let Him take over.

Perhaps that is exactly what I need to do. If it's the Lord's will for me to get this license and a car and attend school then God will provide a way. I have proven that I am willing and I have tried everything to meet Him half way. Perhaps this was all a test and now all I have to do is fall in the arms of Jesus and watch Him work in my life. If I am not in God's will I vow to give up right now and let Him take the wheel. If it is... then He will work out everything.

I don't know if you guys even got this far in this post. It's so long and I'm sure by now your just sitting there with your eyes half closed skimming the words and grateful the end is in sight. Lol. I would be too. Just know that it doesn't matter how messed up your life seems. It doesn't matter how many times you've hit rock bottom. What matters is if you've let the Lord take over yet. What matters is if whether or not your still struggling at the wheel or if you've taken your foot off the pedal. What matters is if you've realized yet that the only way your getting through this is with God leading the way. Lets just say that is what I am learning everyday.

Truth in Cliche

Saw this on the web and had to post it. How cliche yet so true! Indeed, even I am guilty of being too impatient. My prince will come in God's timing.

Depends on my ears...

I saw this yesterday and laughed. Its so true and I think we often find ourselves only listening to what we WANT to hear. When God's will doesn't align with ours we often tune out not realizing that we are.
I have been guilty of this numerous times. Perhaps the humor in this photo will help us never forget to be sensitive to what the Lord has to say to us.

Many times His answer is "Wait". It has been for me so many times and all too often I jump the gun and mess everything up. He may fix everything and eventually come around to saying "Now go" but by then there will have been so much time wasted. Time that, if I would have only listened and waited, could be spent invested in what He has for me to do rather than fixing my early arrival.

Today, this week, this month, this YEAR, my goal is to wait on the Lord and be lead by His voice. I don't want to take my life into my own hands because every time I have the people I love the most get hurt. I get hurt and many times I've lost my opportunity entirely because of it. That little blessing that God was going to grant me now is no longer because I couldn't learn to wait. But I will now.

I will wait on Him. I will go when He tells me go. I will stop when He commands stop. I will take the path that He has set before me. Dare to take on the challenge of letting Him lead. Dare to close your eyes and see what places you will find yourself when you take His hand.

There is a world out there just beyond our fingertips and God has a special purpose for each one of us in it. He has written our life story and it is beautiful and amazing beyond our imagining. All we need do is follow Him. All we need do is accept His hand. All we need to is open our eyes and ears and heart and be ready for His bidding. Dare you to see what amazing things happen when we dare to listen? When we dare to follow?

Random Thoughts

So I realize that most people only read the main page of this blog. That's great and I am so thankful! If you ever bore with the posts here I also have been working on some other pages (some still need work) that you are more than welcome to check out.

On the right here as well, I have short devos or inspiring scriptures that I miyself have come to learn as I seek God more and more. Some are simply from Church services while others are what the Lord has shown me throughout random days.

Below and to the right of this pain page I also have a few links posted. The list grows longer as I discover more amazing faith based sites. If you have any you know please let me know. I would love to check them out and link to them.

One in particular is my favorite. Harvest Time is the name, and currently it is previewing a talented Christian Country artist on the rise. You can check that out here at - http://www.ourchurch.com/member/h/harvest_time/index.php?p=1_7_Music-Multi-media

Thanx everyone so much for reading and commenting. It truly is so encouraging. I love writing to you all and am so glad I have people to share my experiences with as I grow deeper in the Lord.

God bless!

Love me

Love me - JJ Heller

If you haven't heard this song you should check it out. I've always liked it but today when hearing it on the radio at work, it really hit hard and I saw it in a totally different way. This is the boy who doesn't know he has a Father who loves him. It's the mother who doesn't know she isn't alone. It's the man behind bars who can't see his second chance. It's the orphan who doesn't know he has a family eager to welcome him with open arms. These are the people who cry to the deafening silence with no reply. But Someone does hear them. Someone does love them.

Wounds of the Children - A Voice for the Voiceless

So I'm not entirely sure why my heart has been so set on children recently, but i just cant get them out of my head. This particular issue I'll share with you has been on my mind for nigh a week and my greatest regret is not posting it sooner. Thus, this week i vow to dedicate my time to praying for the children of China.

All across this over populated country children have been violently attacked throughout the schools and many even killed. Complete strangers will just walk in during school hours and throw around, kick and even stab these innocent kids for no reason. Many times the predators will kill themselves afterwards while no explanation is given as to why this sudden outburst of violence. If they are caught alive, their punishments remain mostly moderate if brought to justice at all.

I can't even begin to understand why God would allow this but I know that there is a reason for everything. Satan is the prince of this world and everyday we witness horrible things happen. Perhaps such things happen so that we might as God's people stand up and do something about it. Perhaps it is a motivation to leave our comfort zone and comfort the inflicted. We are not on this earth for our own pleasure nor to enjoy a comfortable and carefree life. Our mission is to be ambassadors for Christ. It is our duty to love this world and be that Good Samaritan and help the brokenhearted and wounded. It is our calling to give of ourselves so that we might help save the life of another and bring them to know Christ.

What stops us therefore then, from lifting up a prayer to our heavenly for these poor children? Many know not God or how to pray. Many can't see the light of hope but we do through Jesus. Therefore let us meet with the Lord this day for them and request His saving grace. These children do not have a voice to cry out but we do! Let us be a voice for the voiceless!

For more information on whats happening in China see below -

Six Children Killed 
Nursery School Attack 
Teachers Too? 

(I do realize that there are some good schools still for children in China. But at the moment too many are unsafe and insecure for us to just ignore.)

Letting Him be real

Check this page out - Is Christ Real To You?

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." John 20:29

Very true!